Expect the Unexpected

Expect the Unexpected

      My life isn’t what I expected it to be, is yours? When I was saved no one explained what living for God really meant. I certainly didn’t have a grasp on the meaning of “take up your cross.” I have a better understanding of it now but not a complete understanding. As I walk, stumble and some days run on this journey I will share my thoughts. My journey, the path I’m on right now isn’t one I expected to be on, but I’m here. I want to share what I wrote after a day of feeling like I am a disappointment to some people in my life:

      I don’t expect you to understand my choice to stay home, take care of my family and write. I don’t expect you to understand that will all my heart I know this is what God has called me to do. I don’t expect you to understand that my family and I are happy with the little that we have. The little, in your eyes and truth be told in mine, is actually a lot in the world’s eyes. I don’t expect you to understand that I completely trust God to take care of me and my family. The road that I’ve taken isn’t the one you expected me to take-guess what- It’s not the one I expected to take either. God brought me to this point and He alone will see me through. I don’t expect you to understand this or me and please know while I may seem distant, off the beaten path or walking astray, I am well aware of where I am. I am walking with the Great I Am so I pray my life is different and one day I hope you open your eyes to see that while I like to say I chose Jesus, he is the one who chose me. He wants you to walk with him too, but I must warn you- you may end up doing the unexpected.

     So far this journey hasn’t been easy, and I didn’t expect it to be but when I compare it to other's journey I shouldn't complain. I am a people pleaser and I don’t like to disappointment anyone. I have slowly accepted that the only one that I need to seek acceptance from is God. It would be wonderful if everyone just accepted what I am doing, and showed support, but if they did, would I be truly taking up my cross and following Jesus? If I didn’t get the question look, ya know…what is she doing? I would be comfortable, but that’s not what I’m called to be. The Bible tells me to expect others to not understand what I am doing. The one thing that I have learned in the last two-three months is expect the unexpected from God. He’s using it to grow me and will use it to grow you too, if you allow him to have control. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24

Your Choice

Your Choice

Last Sunday my Pastor gave a sermon that has my mind swirling. I like those sermons because I tend to reflect and write on them. He gave three take home points and I will focus on one of those today. I’m sure the other two will be a post in the near future. Before I start I feel like I should share that no matter what you are facing God is good. 

"When we make the choice to indulge in our sin, who else is going to pay for our choices?"

Ouch! Did you feel that? Yeah, me too, my toes hurt!! Our day is filled with choices to make and most of them are small. The small choices we make daily add up to a big choice over a lifetime. We get so caught up in the mundane choices of each day that we forget or don’t realize the affects they have on our lives. One choice starts a ripple in our lives and others around us and we will never know just how many lives it will touch. Just like our lives the Bible is full of choices that were made that affect us today. Some are obvious but I want to focus on the lineage of Jesus and more specifically King David and Joseph.

King David made choices even before he became king that set him up to be a man that Israel would follow and God would bless. David was but a shepherd boy when he defeated Goliath. We all know the story, but David made two choices that day that still has a ripple in our lives. The first choice David made was to fight Goliath, but he made the choice to help out his father. “and it shall be that the man who kills him the king will enrich with great riches, will give him his daughter, and give his father’s house exemption from taxes in Israel.” (1Samuel 17:25b) David wanted these things for himself and for his father and as we know David became wealthy. His second choice that day reflected his faith and trust in God and is part of what set him on the path to be blessed by God. “Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you.” (1Samuel 17:45-46aNKJV) David didn’t say if God will help me defeat you, he said, “the Lord will deliver you into my hand.” God is sovereign and in control, but what if he hadn’t of been so bold in his faith? What if you were bold in your faith?

The second man that I want to talk about is Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father, his step-father so to say. I’m sure Joseph was very confused when he found out Mary was pregnant. He had a choice to make, and even though it doesn’t seem like his choice had much of a ripple effect on our lives it was a big choice to make. Joseph wasn’t sure about Mary and was going to divorce her secretly, but an angel talked to him and he chose to listen. “Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:19-21 NKJV) There was nothing special about Joseph, he like most men, wanted to divorce Mary when he found out she was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his. Again, God is sovereign and in control, but what if he hadn’t listened to the angel? Do you listen to God when he speaks to you?

God did not choose a mighty warrior to defeat the giant and he didn’t choose a king to be the father of Jesus. God picked a small, lowly shepherd boy to defeat a giant and mighty warrior. God picked a lowly carpenter to receive Jesus as his son. Why did he choose them? God knew their hearts. They both had faith in God and wanted to do what was best in God’s sight. Back to the question that I first asked: "When we make the choice to indulge in our sin, who else is going to pay for our choices?" Thankfully these two men made a choice that has blessed believers, but what about the choices we make daily? If we decide to be grumpy, to complain and give in to our temptations on a much deeper level who will feel the ripple of our choices? The obvious answer is your family, your spouse and children and to some extent your friends, especially those close to you. The truth is, not only do our choices send out ripples to our loved ones, but they extend to our family we’ve yet to know, like our grandkids. Last, but most importantly the choice to indulge in your sin hurts your relationship with God. The choice to give in may seem like a small choice today, but at the end of your life will that small temptation, that one time of giving in, will it cause you to regret the path it led you on? The choice is your choice, but remember this life, your life isn’t about you, it’s about God and his plan. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24

Just One More

Just One More

My goal with this post, and with all my posts is to glorify God. I try my best to be open and honest and to show I’m not perfect. Today God wanted me to show some more of my imperfections, I wasn’t perfect, I’m not perfect and never will be perfect. I make bad decisions and deal with the consequences just like everyone else.

            Just one more, it seems we are born wanting one more. Babies want one more bite, toddlers want one more cookie (ya know, one for both hands), while kids want just one more minute to sleep on a school day. Teenagers want just one more minute on the phone and college kids want just one more hour of sleep or to study. Our just one more grows more and more until adulthood and we then want just one more dollar.

            How much do we gain from just one more? What are we looking for with just one more? Our selfishness causes us to want just one more and usually the answer is instant gratification in some form or another. We want to instantly feel better, look better or just be better. The older we get the temptation becomes greater for instant gratification. One that kills the pain, hides our hurts and please our senses. If we’re not careful we find ourselves asking for just one more: drink, bite, puff, look, hour, pill, and outfit. It seems funny to put these things together because some seem harmless while others are obviously wrong. All things can be used for the wrong reasons.

           Eve was tempted with just one more thing to eat. Adam and Eve had everything in the Garden of Eden except for one tree that had fruit. This tree was called the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God told them not to eat from that tree. The serpent tempted Eve with just one more thing to eat. The fruit from the tree was good, so what was the harm? She had the perfect life, why would she want anything else? It seems we are wired to always want just one more. There is something about “just one more” that comforts us. Just one more can lead to something good but it can also lead to destruction; self-destruction. Oh, how happy the devil is every time we give in to the temptation of just one more that leads to a path of guilt and self-hatred. 

           The statement just one more is a pretty popular phrase with teenagers and some adults. I was no different. As a teenager I looked forward to the weekends that we would have people over because that usually meant wine coolers, Boones Farm or if we were lucky Strawberry Margaritas. The sweet, fruity taste drew me in every time and I wanted just one more. My favorite was coconut rum, coke and cherries. I would drink those just until I was happy. I liked being happy and I could accomplish this with just one more drink. It was the best thing because I didn’t feel the hurt deep inside of me. My hurt was washed away with every drink and I was accepted for doing what everyone else was doing. It was a win-win situation. On my 19^th birthday, we had a party, it’s not one I’m real proud of but it happened. I drank until I was drunk, enjoying every last drop of coconut rum, cherries and coke and the sudden rush of happiness it brought me. For once in my life I was outgoing, I was making people laugh, and felt accepted. Until it was time for the party to end and I wasn’t so happy, I turned into a sappy drunk. That was my first and last time I drank to get drunk. The next morning I woke up to a room spinning and very bright lights, not to mention a horrible headache. I may have felt wonderful the night before, but my just one more drink left me feeling horrible the next day.

          How many times have you asked for just one more which led to one more? There are other ways we can satisfy our need for instant gratification. Try spending just one more minute playing with your child and watch the smile creep across their face. Guaranteed gratification right there. Talk just one more minute on the phone to a loved one you don’t see very often. Take just one more minute to send a text or write a note to someone letting them know they are appreciated and loved. Give just one more hug and just one more smile. Give just one more hour to someone who needs you to listen. Spend just one more minute or hour with God. He will be happy either way because you spent time with him. 

            It’s easier to ask for just one more to hide and cover up our pain and troubles, because this doesn’t make us as vulnerable, or so we think. What would happen if we decided to give just one more minute of our time to others; to God? Slowly, you will find you don’t need just one more drink, bite, or puff. Your pain and troubles can be transformed by spending just one more minute with God and sharing with others. We all want just one more of something-what’s your one more? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24 

~Please comment below what your one more is and I’ll share what mine is. Have a blessed day!

Fall Leaves

Fall Leaves

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV)

This past weekend my family and I drove down to visit my mom and grandmother. Our visit wasn’t long, but God took the opportunity to speak to me on the drive down. While driving I noticed the leaves have started changing colors and I saw an abandoned house crumbling to the ground that I hadn’t seen before. As I was noticing all these things it hit me that like the trees we have a reason for the seasons in our lives. There are many times we don’t realize we are in a season until we are in the middle or out of it. Could this be because we are so focused on what’s ahead that we don’t notice the changes of today? Not every change is monumental, but the small choices of today will add up to a big change one day.

We all know that the seasons of nature can parallel the seasons of our lives. I had an epiphany about fall and its purpose. The leaves on the trees change colors because the tree is preparing to support new growth. The trees have gone through a lot in a year and they need to let go of some old things (leaves) to support the new things. To those of us who get to enjoy the seasonal changes we don’t always think of the changes of a tree as a growing process. We tend to not pay attention to the buds on the tree, but we notice the flowers when they have bloomed. We see the blast of fall colors but seldom notice the beginning of the leaves changing colors. Why, because we are so wrapped up in our lives we fail to see the small changes. Sound familiar?

While each season is important to the trees’ growth as is each season in our lives, could it be that fall is the most important? Fall, to me, represents the change that has taken place in my life. It shows how God has used a year to mold me into the person he wants me to become. When I notice my changes, then and only then can I appreciate the beauty of what was and what will be. As we change, we let go of things that hurt us, or are keeping us from what God has planned. We realize some things, these things can be past hurts, scars, a treasure, a light at the end of the tunnel that were hidden from us in other seasons. The beauty of this is we can now grow. God is allowing us to let go of these things so we can grow. Like a tree, a healthy Christian is constantly growing. We don’t always notice that we are growing, and that is why fall is so important. We slow down a bit and notice the changes around us and hopefully within us. The season we are in will change and yes, there will be dry seasons, but at the end of that season is always a blessed season. The seasons of our lives are meant to help us become who we are meant to be in God. Fall leads to winter which leads to spring, then to summer and the cycle continues. So, will your life, friends will come and go, people will be born and die, you will have happy and sad moments, through it all God is with you, shaping you. Stay close to him and celebrate the season you are in. Take time today to think about what season you are in and what season you were just in. Give thanks to God for being with you today and yesterday and for going ahead of you to lead the way. Blessings to you and yours this beautiful fall day. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24  

This life

This life

Today, just like every day, I have a choice to make. Today, I choose to be bold and courageous. I choose to stand out in a crowd, to be different, odd, and my favorite, WEIRD. Today’s choices create my life, the memories I will look back on and smile at or shake my head. This life, the one I’m living in today; because of the grace of God, hasn’t been what I had planned.

My dreams, my goals, my life with the fairy tale theme, you know the one all girls have when they are teenagers, hasn’t happened. Funny how life happens. Don’t get me wrong, some of my dreams and goals have come true and have been accomplished but they didn’t go down the path I thought they would. The road that lead me to the victories was not the one I dreamed of. I was sure life would be easier as an adult, and everything would be sparkly and shiny and happy…lol…I think you get the picture.

Have you noticed all the I’s and my’s? My life, is a gift and I need to remember this daily. The day I decided to follow Jesus is the day that the I/my should’ve changed to his/him. It didn’t happen quickly, but it has started happening. I’m not good at letting my life be a life directed by God for him and his glory. I realize now that letting go of my plans, my dreams and realizing what His dreams/plans are, is the only way I can live for him. I had a pretty good life planned out, I was chasing those things and checking them off my list one by one. My plan and God’s plan didn’t exactly match up, some of it did, and some of it didn’t. We all know God’s plan is far greater than we can imagine, but letting go and trusting him completely with MY life is a lot easier said than done.

As I let the decisions I’ve made through prayer and conviction sink in, I’ve shed a few tears and had my doubts. Just when I think how silly I am for following God, someone steps in and sends an encouraging text. I will share what I’m doing with someone and instead of shame I get shock and acceptance. I keep expecting people to tell me how dumb my decision was or at least how silly it was, but instead I get I’m happy for you and let me know when you publish a book, I want to read it. I also hear, tell me when you speak because I want to hear you. All uplifting to me, and I’m so thankful to God for those people who lift me up instead of knocking me down. No matter what is in front of me He will always be with me and in control.

          This life, when I pick up my cross (t), becomes his life, one lived for him. To Him be the Glory! Here's to a life focused on carrying my cross so His light can shine in this dark world. Will you pick up your t and let this life become a life for his glory? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24         

You're Religious

Not too long ago I was called religious. I was taken back and wasn’t sure it was a compliment or an insult. Later that day, I told my husband I was called religious, he laughed and said, “You are”. I then went on to explain why I wasn’t sure I wanted to be called religious. When I think religious, I think of a building, traditions, and people going through the motions and people who are fake. I’m thinking Pharisees. Everything on the outside is shiny and clean but not the inside. “They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” (2 Timothy 3:5 NLT) In my eyes, being religious is fake and by fake I mean this: you do one thing during the week and one maybe two days out of the week you act as if you weren’t doing those things. Hear me on this, we all do things during the week that we feel bad about, but in order to be forgiven we have to admit our wrongs. If you go throughout your day, week, or life and you don’t ask to be forgiven for your mistakes (sins) then you are missing a wonderful gift called grace.  

I hope I do not come off as this way. I do my best to be me all the time and show my stains, scars and the areas God has gracefully cleaned up. So please don’t call me religious, I prefer to be called a Christ follower, a Christian.  Someone who is actively and wholeheartedly following Jesus Christ. This person doesn’t see the building as the only “church” and takes Jesus with him/her throughout the week, and listens to what God is saying to him/her. I would much rather be known as a crazy, off the wall, peculiar person than a religious person. So, thank you for trying to set me apart by calling me religious, but please be cautious when using this word, it stings my soul. To call someone religious seems harsh and cold, but you call them a Christ follower and it changes to warm and welcoming.

When following Christ, you can see his light in that person. Their deeds are done bringing glory and honor to God, yet without seeking glory for themselves. A religious person is more apt to do a good deed seeking glory for themselves, again think Pharisees. The next time you think about calling someone religious, think, are they religious or following Christ? Before I started truly following Christ I didn't think there was a difference, but the difference is there…it’s the same difference between the Old and New Testament of the Bible. One has Jesus and one doesn’t. It’s all about a relationship with Jesus Christ. What are you doing to grow your relationship with him? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24         

Best of both worlds

    I enjoy reading books that make me ask questions and think. The summer of 2013, I posted about a book written by Jennie Allen titled, “Anything”, and that book still has me thinking and asking questions. I know, it’s surprising my memory goes that far back. As I was reviewing some of the questions I wrote down from that book, a couple of them spoke to my heart and they are: Couldn’t I have both? More of God and the life I wanted? If you’ve read my post Convicted, then you know I am looking down the barrel at these questions. This is what I’m facing right now. What did I do? I prayed and read the Bible and listened to what God was telling me. I started writing and wanted to share with you what I wrote.
     Can Christians have the best of both worlds, earthly and spiritual? Can we remain faithful to our Heavenly Father and have the best of this world? Can faithful Christians be rich, by America’s standards? Can faithful Christians be poor, again, by America’s standards? YES X 4!
    These questions are touchy and will bring a great debate among Christians and non-Christians alike. God will bless those who are faithful. The amount and type of blessing will differ family to family, and person to person. I think the deeper root to this is, are you willing to give up the best of this world, material things, to have the best treasures stored up in Heaven?
     I pose this question because as a whole, Christians tend to look at this question and shrug it off because we are doing “good enough” in our walk. Is “good enough” okay? We are raising a generation of children, who will one day run this country, to believe that good enough is okay. Everyone is great and a winner and there are no losers in life. This shows in their motivation (lack of), their performances, and just day to day living. It starts with us, the adults, we need to change this. This starts with our walks as Christians. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of “good enough”. I’m tired of being a “good enough” Christian. I have yet to find a place in the Bible where it says, just be good enough. No, walking into Heaven with no marks is not what I want. By golly, I want to round third base full speed, slide head first with arms stretched out, dust flyin’ in the air, reaching for home plate, givin’ it my all! Not to hear, “Good job my good and faithful servant”, but to humbly say I gave my all for you, God.
    Which leads me back to my question, if convicted to or asked by God, would you give up your idea of the best of this world for God? Would you stop working towards your goals and start doing what He has called you to do? “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-26) What’s your cross? What’s your anything? Could you, would you walk away from doing “good enough” to do what God created you to do? Are you working for one more dollar or are you working for the Lord, God Almighty? Are you willing to give up your wants and allow God to meet your needs? “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into this world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” (1 Timothy 6:6-7)
    Before you speculate, or criticize me for judging, let me share with you that this is not my intentions. My purpose is to make you think, are you allowing more of God and less of you in your life. It’s between you and God, not me and you and God. Your walk is YOUR walk, I pray I encourage you in your walk with God. My walk, as it should be, is a learning process. I’m not perfect, nor claim to be. I am giving up my goals to allow God to use me for his purpose. It’s not easy letting go of who I thought I was or what I thought I was supposed to do. I want the things of this world just like everybody else, but at this time I have to let go of that and focus on what my calling is. Taking up the cross and allowing God to have complete control isn’t easy. Writing this post and all the others hasn’t been easy. Slowly, and painfully at times, I am letting go of the me I thought I was supposed to be so I can become who I was created to be.  Can you have the best of both worlds? Yes, but make sure it’s because you are doing what God has called you to do and not just chasing the American dream. Enough thinking, writing and sharing and as always: Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24

Suicide

     This writing business has been hard because when I feel called to share something I know that I must share it or feel horrible until I finally cave in and share. I will warn you this post will be lengthy but please read it...
      I’m not going to throw statistics at you about suicide because you have heard them and they don’t seem to affect us like the researchers think they will. We tend to think no one that I know would possibly consider that, or people who commit suicide show signs of not being happy. I can assure you both assumptions are wrong. When you hear the “S” word you probably cringe and feel sorrow for the person who took their life, their family and friends. What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to you and others may not be shocked at all. I want to share with you a portion of my past….

                I have struggled and fought with thoughts of suicide. When I hear that someone took their own life, I don’t have your typical response. Instead of asking why or how, I usually say it’s not as far-fetched as you think. I’ve received crazy looks for that comment. I don’t agree with suicide but since I’ve struggled with it I’m not as taken back as others when I hear of someone taking their life. Suicide is a weapon that the devil likes to use. It’s really effective and does the trick, which is to keep you from being an effective member of God’s kingdom. It’s not hard to start believing the fiery darts called lies that the devil throws at you. It takes a long time for negative words to fade. I’ve heard that it takes 100 compliments to replace 1 insult. To help you wrap your mind around this, think of someone who is constantly being put down or is in a bad environment, where negative words are thrown around constantly. It could take a lifetime of kind words before the person starts truly believing it. This person is an easy target for the devil. He will use this to keep them down. He has one job and that is to deceive you, so you can’t be an effective follower of Christ.

                Suicide is so prevalent in our country and sadly I predict we will see a rise because we are so engrossed in technology that we don’t take the time to have a face to face conversation with another human who can show emotion and give a hug when needed. Up to this point I’ve been avoiding sharing my battle with thoughts of suicide. Please, don’t feel sorry for me, I’m good now…just use this to help you or someone close to you. I hope it will change your idea of the person who considers suicide as an answer…

Before I begin: I never attempted suicide but the thoughts were there.

I was in a very dark place as a teenager in high school growing up in a step family situation. I was depressed and didn’t feel loved. I remember thinking how everyone’s life would be better if I was gone. I would get caught up in my thoughts and think how good life would be for my mom, brother and everyone else around me if I wasn’t around. I was too scared to take my own life, partially because I was told the cardinal sin is suicide, and hell is where a person would spend eternity for taking their own life. (I have a different view now that I’m grown) I remember thinking if I just went full speed ahead into a tree or forest that should do it and my life would be over. It sounds silly, but I didn’t want to use a gun and from what I'd heard pills didn't work. I also wanted it to look like an accident, that way no one would realize it was suicide. Time and time again I would have these thoughts, but slowly, and I mean slowly they have faded to a memory of a time when I was in a dark pit. These thoughts still had a grip on my life in the early years of my marriage. God was there though, and he didn’t give up on me.

When I hear people say how could they do that or they are so selfish, it hurts. I agree, suicide is a selfish act but not everyone is focused on themselves when they take their own life. Suicide is not easy to understand and should be looked at as spiritual war fare. I would like to remind or point out to you that the devil tempted Jesus, son of God, with suicide. “Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ‘If you are the Son of God,’ he said, ‘throw yourself down.” (Matthew 4:5-6) The devil waited until Jesus was tired and hungry and then started his attack. The same goes for us, and especially those considering suicide. The devil waits until you are beat down with life and throws the darts at you. You are a much easier target when you are beat down. If the devil tempted Jesus with suicide then he will most certainly use it against us. Yes, even Christians, who better to attack than those who claim to believe in God?

If you are tempted with suicidal thoughts, talk to a trusted friend or family member, read your Bible, have others pray for you, and if you can pray for yourself. Pray that God would bind Satan from these attacks. No matter the line you have been fed, the devil is lying to you. You are loved, you are precious, and worthy in God’s sight. Please reach out to someone, if you feel you have no one, I’m here, message me or call and we can talk. I pray this helps someone. To those who don’t understand suicide, trust me when I say neither does the person who is thinking it or has committed it.  Why, because it is not truly them who wants this, it is the devil. Spiritual warfare is real, and the rules are completely different than those we are used to in this world. You have to prepare for it and dress in your armor. Read Ephesians 6: 10-17 and do what it says, daily.

My friends, you are loved, you are more precious than gold! Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Convicted

Writing is my passion. Writing is my way of expressing myself. Writing clears my mind and frees me. Writing is my voice. Writing is what I’m supposed to do. This is how I’ve always felt but wasn’t confident enough to say so and certainly not the way I thought I would spend my time.

Have you ever felt convicted? I mean stake through the heart, sweaty palms, nailed to the pew convicted? I always thought when God convicted someone, they would feel ashamed and guilty. My assumption was wrong. The day I was convicted I didn’t feel ashamed or guilty but I did feel redirected.  I’m sitting here trying to think of how to explain how I felt that day, but it isn’t easy to do. The day I was convicted, was a normal Sunday morning. I walked my kids to the kids department and then walked into my Sunday school class. I had a conversation with a lady in Sunday school and the words she spoke was laced with wisdom. The words were so clear and jumped out at me. I didn’t give this too much thought and headed into our sanctuary. The songs were great, and really spoke to my heart. Then our pastor took the stage and within five minutes I knew I wouldn’t be forgetting this sermon anytime soon. The room became warm, my palms started sweating and I just knew Pastor was staring me down. It didn’t take too much longer and I wrote on my notepad, I need to quit and showed it to my husband. I was so scared he was going to say no, but his reply was, how soon. I told him as soon as possible. I sat in my pew, listening to the sermon while a stake was being driven into my heart. The sermon finally ended and my husband and I knelt at the altar and prayed. At lunch my nine year old son asked me, “If I ever thought about being a writer?” I told him, “yes, but not all writers can make enough money to support their families.” His response was, “I can do all things through Christ.” Not only did I shut my mouth, but I started to cry and knew I needed to do something quickly.

That night I nervously wrote my resignation letter and sent it to my principal. I couldn’t believe I was four weeks in and was resigning. I was nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. I knew exactly what God wanted me to do and I was finally being bold enough to listen and do just that. As the weeks have passed I realize what I am giving up. I realize how off the wall it must seem to others and how much this action is frowned upon by the secular world. God convicted me that Sunday to write for him. As this sinks in, I realize that being convicted has nothing to do with feeling guilty or being ashamed of not doing what you know you are called to do, but simply a redirection. I have not felt ashamed, but instead through prayer have felt the courage to be bold and share what I am doing. I have not felt guilty for leaving before the school year ends, but instead empowered to live a life devoted to God’s calling on my life.

Am I scared? Yes! Am I nervous? Yes! Am I aware of the negative impacts this could have on me and my family? Yes! BUT……..

What if I didn’t listen? What if I chose to keep living life my way? What if God’s blessing is just around the corner and I didn’t obey? What if I let my fear win? What would I miss out on?

Friends, our lives are too short to not obey the one who created us. I can’t fathom where I would be if it weren’t for a God who saves. I do not want to live my life for myself and gain the treasures on this earth, and die and realize I have no treasure stored up for me in heaven. Who will you live for today? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

My Fear

Fear, what is it and why do feel it? To have fear is to be afraid. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18) Fear is not of God, because God is love. Let’s dig a little deeper with my thoughts on this….will you join me?

I turned 32 today. It’s been just like every other Monday so far this school year, rough. The one thing that keeps me thinking is the number 32. I have dreaded this age since I was 7, more realistically, probably 14. Why do I dread 32? This is the age my dad was when he died. I know, it was his life, not mine. I see things differently though. I see how much God has blessed me but that little bit of fear is still there. What fear you ask?

The fear that before this year is up, I will no longer be here. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Lord and can’t wait to meet him, but I still don’t want to leave my family. I’m selfish in that way. The thing about fear is no matter the size of it, if you’re not careful it will grow. I haven’t really dwelt on this today, but felt the need to share. I’m sharing, so others will know and pray for me. Pray that I will not stop doing what God has asked me to do because I’m waiting for my card to be punched. The devil wants this, he wants me to stop living; especially for God. So, the other reason why I am sharing my silly fear with you is so I can be held accountable and the devil will realize I’m not slowing down, not giving in and not going to let this little bit of fear paralyze me.

In a way, I faced my fear today. I didn't call in sick, or go home early. I faced the day, now 364 more to go! Here I sit, determined not to let my past rule over me. I am me, not my dad, not my mom, but me! My life will be lived with the intensity of finishing my race strong. So, here is to my head held high, shoulders back, spine straight, feet shoulder’s width apart.

I’m ready…..I’m ready……I’m ready! 

God please use me, make me into the person you created me to be.

What’s your fear? Thanks for reading mine. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

My Unplanned, Planned Summer

“I don’t need to know where I’m goin’ just need to know where I’ve been. " Mater, Cars

                My summer is just about over, one week left and the crazy, busy life I call school/work begins. I’m a little sad, but will be so glad to get back to the routine, funny how the very thing that stresses me out during the school year, calms me during the summer. I would like to share with you one of the lessons I have learned, well, truth be told, still learning this summer.

                I have had one of the weirdest summers I’ve ever had. I had my idea of how my summer was going to play out. I started planning it several weeks before I was actually out of school. (For those who don’t know I’m a teacher) My first day of summer was planned and ready for me to enjoy long before the exciting moment of being told, “You can go, enjoy your summer.” My first day of summer didn’t go as planned, and this was a sign of how the rest of my summer would go. My nice, strategically planned summer was about to become my nice, strategically unplanned, planned summer. Please hang with me while I share the high lights of my nicely planned month of June and how things turned out.

                The second full week of June was my first full week of summer. It was loaded with VBS, getting my hair trimmed and highlighted for our upcoming cruise, visit with a friend, and speaking to a group of girls. The third week of June was not as full so we could recover from VBS and rest before our week long cruise. I had plans to visit with friends, shop for the cruise (ya know, clothesJ), pack for the cruise and of course clean my house. The last week of June was our cruise. Sounds good, right? Nice, and planned out for the control freak that I am. Well, my nicely planned month turned into a game of 52 card pick up. I had to reschedule my hair appointment several times, for various reasons. Every time I would plan something, I would have to reschedule. I finally decided to stop planning. This is not an easy task for me. I was comforted by the fact that we did have VBS, which was a great time. I did get to visit a friend as in one, not friends, as in more than the one. We got to go on our cruise, which was a lot of fun. This rescheduling and adjusting my nicely planned month threw me off track. I was stumbling in the dark. I was so thrown off by this I couldn’t wait to board the boat and get away for a week, although I was very nervous this being my first cruise.

                We returned from our wonderful cruise and I realized it was now July. I had even bigger plans for July but so far those plans haven’t happened, and will not happen. I have spent the month of July recovering from the cruise, apparently my body liked the rocking motion of the boat. I’m just now not rocking or spinning every day. (Don’t worry, I’ve been to the dr.) This has meant that once again my nicely planned month turned into my nicely unplanned, planned month. In June I realized God was trying to teach me something but I couldn’t figure out exactly what or why. A month later I had my light bulb moment. This moment came during family movie night. The kids told me to pick the movie so as I went through our collection of movies I was focused on picking one we haven't seen in a while and I picked Cars. With lights off, and popcorn popped we started the movie. I have seen this movie at least a hundred times and wasn’t expecting to have God speak to me. As the scene played out where Mater and Lighting McQueen were speeding back to town after tractor tippin’ Mater starts driving in reverse. Lightin’ is concerned about Mater wrecking and states his feelings, but Mater’s response seemed to be louder than the rest of the movie so I wrote it down. Mater said, “I don’t need to know where I’m goin’ just need to know where I’ve been.” (Could be paraphrased) Wow, I understood what God was telling me and had been trying to get through my stubborn, now swaying head.

                “I don’t need to know where I’m goin’”, equates to I don’t need to plan out every second of my day because I need to listen to God’s directions. “Just need to know where I’ve been”, equates to me realizing where I use to be and where I am now. I’ve been driving and not allowing God to drive. Did you know race cars don’t have headlights? The driver can only see in the dark because the track is lit up. We, Christians, are in a dark world, and sadly, it’s only getting darker. The only way we can see the path that God has planned for us is to follow The Light. It’s nice to have structure, we need it, at least I do. The problem isn’t having structure, but planning so much that we don’t allow our lives to be influenced by God’s direction for the day. I don’t like that my path isn’t lit up the whole way but honestly would I keep going and trusting if I could see the valley or mountain that was in my path? (I highly doubt it!)

            This summer has not been an easy one for me. I have learned to enjoy the day and each moment in it, but I’m still struggling with this. I’m not struggling to enjoy the day or the moments, but to take each day as they come. Apparently I’m still in the fast lane of life. I need to move over to the right lane so I can slow down and stop on the shoulder every now and then to enjoy the scenery. Will you slow down too? My challenge to you is: don’t get so caught up in your routine and plans that you don’t see the path Jesus is lighting up for you. Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Grumpy

Grumpy, I could have easily been the Grumpy dwarf from Snow White a couple of weeks ago. I was GRUMPY. I woke up in a bad mood, I went about my day feeling very little excitement, and went to bed in a bad mood if not a worse mood than when I woke up. This cycle went on for a whole week. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I took a step back and started evaluating myself. What was different? What changed?

My friends, it was something so simple yet detrimental to my mental health. The first day, I just blew my mood off as just one of those days. The second day, I started realizing this bad mood wasn’t going away. The Christian music wasn’t helping. Spending time with my family wasn’t helping. Talking with friends wasn’t helping, although I didn’t share I was in a bad mood. There was one thing missing from my life. It was my quiet time with God. I started a 21 day prayer challenge in late January. I met the challenge and went well over the 21 days. Where did I go astray? I started to get busy with end of the school year events and t-ball and classes I was taking. I became overwhelmed and slowly stopped meeting God for my quiet time. I didn’t just stop cold turkey. I would miss a day and feel guilty and do it the next day. Then I missed two days and felt guilty so I picked it up and would start going again. Next thing I knew, I was out of paper that fit in my journal and I told myself I would buy some and start when that came in. I missed a week and didn’t order the paper but didn’t think anything of it. I missed two weeks straight of my quiet time with God. Let me say this, I prayed and I prayed throughout my day, but there is just something different about having quiet time with God.

I missed it. I missed my time with God. I felt out of sorts and couldn’t figure out why. Spending quiet time with God daily changed my heart and my perspective on things. Not only did I feel out of sorts, but I picked back up right where I left off. I started taking the reins back to my life. I was planning this and trying to figure that out. I let the worry take over. I let the what ifs and then whats consume my mind. This isn’t what God wants for us. He doesn’t want us caught up in the things of this world. He doesn’t want us to be so tied up that we drop him like a hot potato. He doesn’t want us to worry, or spin scenarios in our minds of conversations held or ones that will be held. He doesn’t want us to worry about if we are going to move and how or the details of the move.

What He wants is for us to trust Him. He wants us to find rest in Him. He wants us to turn our concerns over to Him. He wants control of every detail of your life. The smallest detail to the biggest detail, He wants them all. He wants you and me to completely trust him. He wants us to find peace in Him. “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27 Jesus gave the gift of peace to his disciples and He still gives that peace today. I realize now that I wasn’t at peace. When we take on the world without spending time with God we are bound to be confused and grumpy. My life gets busy and I get overwhelmed and anxiety kicks in. The only thing that takes all this away is the peace that Jesus gives me. I find this peace when I meet with my God, my savior, my friend daily. The coolest part is He takes the time to listen to my cry for help, my shouts of joy, and questions of what to do next. The God of the all, takes time to answer my prayers, and to give a peace that passes all understanding.

If there is one challenge that you take from my posts, I pray that it will be this one. Pray and read your Bible daily. God will meet you right where you are and lead you right where He wants you. Don’t just take my word for it…try it for yourself. Something so simple can have a huge impact on you, your life and those you love. Not sure where to start? Look up Becky Tirabassi or contact me. So, the next time you’re Grumpy do a self-check. Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

And yes, I'm back to meeting God daily...my family is happy and so am I. :) 

Becoming Me

Growing up I couldn’t wait to be an adult. In my mind, all the grown-ups were able to do what they wanted, whenever they wanted. Oh, the innocence of childhood. You think once you’re grown you will know it all and stop “growing.” As I write this I smile at how silly that sounds. The truth is I haven’t stopped growing at least not spiritually.

I have this thirst, hunger, and desire to grow closer to God and become who He wants me to be. The hardest part is letting go of who I think or thought I was supposed to be. I’m growing and changing and sometimes it hurts. The “growing pains” don’t go away once we’re grown. As I mentioned earlier, to become who I was created to be I have to let go. (Frozen anybody?) I had to let go of my past and not let it define me anymore. I’m still working on this but I’m so much better than I use to be. The next part is recognizing my “issues” or weaknesses. I’ve started realizing them and often times cower or bow my head in shame, but I am starting to slowly accept that these issues are a part of me. Yes, even my weaknesses are from God. If I will let Him, he will use them for His glory. His strength can be found in my weaknesses. Even Paul talked about his weaknesses and this is what he says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 I’ve been writing on a surface level, but let’s dig a little deeper.

In order to grow, at some point we have to dig a little deeper, take a step back and evaluate ourselves. I’ve started doing this and I try my best to be “this is who I am” and/or “what you see is what you get” type person. I’m not perfect, never will be and I no longer put that type of pressure on myself. I do want to share a few of my weaknesses with you:

1.       I’m selfish

2.       I’m prideful

3.       I’m a planner…ok…control freak

4.       I don’t like crowds

5.       I don’t like speaking in front of others (especially my age or older)

These are sins or can lead to sin. I can choose to be selfish, prideful, take control, panic in crowds and freeze when speaking in front of others or I can choose to trust God. Through prayer and God working on my heart, my weaknesses are becoming stepping stones for me to become the me God wants me to be. Here are some ways God is working in my life:

    He has changed my heart from, what can I gain or benefit from someone to how I can serve them. I now ask God to show me how to pray/help those in my life. I am slowly realizing that God will use me in others’ lives the way he wants to use me, nothing more, and nothing less. I am also realizing that God wants me to lean on Him and trust Him with every detail of my life. I can’t be afraid to try new things but more importantly I can’t be afraid to fail. I don’t like speaking in front of others and yet God has called me to speak. I haven’t been asked to speak at many events (which I’m OK with) but I know God is preparing me.

I didn’t share this to brag but to show God will take our fears, doubts, failures, and weaknesses and use them for His glory. Change scares me and yet it’s the only way to keep growing. I’m so thankful that God is right beside me, constantly shaping me to become the me, He wants me to be. May God’s grace and mercy pour out on you. Will you embrace His will for your life? Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Look Into My Eyes

     Look into my eyes...tell me what you see...do you really look into someone's eyes long enough to see what's there? Why do we look away so quickly? Are we afraid of what they think of us, or maybe what they just saw? I can tell you why I look away quickly. It’s because the eyes are the window to our souls. I don’t like to make eye contact because the other person might see more than what I want them to. It has nothing to do with respect or lack thereof, for me anyways.

    If this looks familiar it’s because it came from my previous post. I had someone point out this was good and asked me to dig a little deeper. I promised I would…and to be honest I have been putting this post off, because it means once again I have to open up and expose myself to you…the reader. I also have to answer the question…why do I look away so quickly. When discussing this with my husband he asked, "is it what you say or is it because you are afraid of what you will see in others?" So, I’m going to dig a little deeper. Will you join me?

    Why do we look away so quickly? I’ll come back to this or possibly answer it as I go. I asked two questions in one …Are we afraid of what they think of us, or maybe what they just saw? The answer is YES! I can’t speak for you and I won’t, but I can speak for me. I am afraid of what the person just saw, mainly because I’m not sure what they saw. Did the person just see the kid inside of me who was hurt and still shows up every once in a while? Did the person see my light, my Jesus living inside of me? Oh, yes please be that one!!! Did the person see the person I’m becoming, the overcomer, the new creation that God is constantly working on? Yea, that’s a good one too! Did the person see the doubt in my eyes, the lack of confidence, and the one who thinks I’m not good enough? Or maybe the person saw that if you take the time to get to know me I’d do anything for you. I can’t be sure what someone sees when they look into my eyes. I hope it’s the better ones, but then again, if they see the lack of confidence and doubt maybe they would realize I’m a real person. A real person with feelings, who is just trying to show others the love of Jesus and doesn't feel like I'm doing a good job. I don’t think we will ever truly know what a person sees or thinks of us. The question I must ask here is does it matter? I’m not trying to step on toes, I’m mainly talking to myself right now. I find when something goes completely opposite of what I had planned or meant for it to…I tell myself what really matters is God knows my heart.

    Oh, this just hit me…maybe I look away because someone might want to ask me a question. You know the ones that make us squirm a little. Like why are you smiling? Or, do you believe in God? Do you believe in Jesus? Do you have some money? Look away….walk away…..RUN!!! I can answer these question when I’m writing, but what if I don’t have the right answers? I pray that I become bolder and will look people in their eyes longer. I have the answers, I know what I would say, but why am I so afraid? I do not deny my faith or my God. I am more afraid of what the repercussion will be for saying yes, yes, yes I believe.

I apologize for the rambling…now back to my husband’s question. Am I afraid of what I will see in others? This might have been the case a few months ago, but not since I have started my new job. When you look someone in the eyes you can see what’s there. I have seen hurt, fear and a need of acceptance. Funny, that’s what I just spent two paragraphs saying. The older I get, the more I take the time to visit with others, the more I see we all have been hurt, we all have a fear (more than one), we all want acceptance. The answer to our hurt, the peace that conquers our fear, and the acceptance we all seek can only be found in one…The ONE….his name is Jesus.

   When I look into my eyes I see my past, my sins, and a few accomplishments. When you look into my eyes…well only you know what you see. I have spent a good portion of my life building up walls. These walls were meant to keep me from getting hurt, to keep others from letting me hurt them. That's why I don't look others in the eyes very long...you see...the eyes are the windows to our souls. If you look long enough, you will see the real me. I've been working on just being me and not putting up walls. Here, is the next step in letting God have control...let others, not just those at church or at home, but everyone see ME, not only me but JESUS living in me. I’m going to take a risk, I’m going to do my best to look others in their eyes and not look away so quickly. When we get caught up in what others think, we aren’t doing what we are called to do. Let’s do what Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.” Will you let others see the "real" you? Until next time“May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

I think this song by Francesca Battistelli says it better...what do you think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBY3f9IHyFM

L.O.V.E.

Love
Others  and
Value
Everyone

“The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39)

Love isn’t always easy and it’s a word that I’m leery of using. Why? We overuse the word. We love our family. We love our friends. We love God. We love our car, shoes and our food. Personally, I have tried to not use the word love so much. Instead I say I really like Mexican food and I really like my car, but there are times I slip up and say I love something when it’s really a major like. There are different types of love and I get that, but if we use love for every good feeling then it loses its value. We know love, because God first loved us. Love isn’t easy because we have to put ourselves out there and we might get hurt. It’s also not easy because not everyone is easy to love. Which brings me to ……

Others, who is others? This is your brother, sister, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, cousin, grandma, grandpa, husband, wife, son, daughter, friend and neighbor. We know this and do the best we can when it comes to family and friends, but what about the stranger? The one you just made eye contact with but quickly looked away. Why do we look away so quickly? Are we afraid of what they think of us, or maybe what they just saw? I can tell you why I look away quickly. It’s because the eyes are the window to our souls. I don’t like to make eye contact because the other person might see more than what I want them to. It has nothing to do with respect or lack thereof, for me anyways. So, how can we love strangers? There are many ways, but an easy way to show God’s love is to smile. When you look the stranger in the eye, and before you quickly look away….smile. You never know what this person is going through and your smile just might brighten their day and show them they are valued.

Value: How can we value people we are close to and those who fall under the stranger category? The first thing to remember is, “God so loved the world”. It doesn’t say He loves only me and the people who are close to my heart. He said he loves the world, and that means everyone in it. I may not agree with everyone (trust me, I don’t) but that doesn’t mean they are less valuable. God created each one of us and that means we are all valuable. So, how do we show it? R-E-S-P-E-C-T (sing it with me) Respecting others isn’t always easy but a few pointers are watch what you say, especially when you don’t agree with them. Be kind to others, even when they are being rude to you, which is usually easier said than done. This goes for everyone….

Everyone you come into contact with deserves love, not your love but God’s love. The only way we can show love is by having the Holy Spirit living in us. Everyone needs to know they are loved, cared for and valued. How? How? How? Encourage someone, if you aren’t sure how, just let them know you appreciate them. It could be something as simple as thanking them for helping clean the house. I challenge you to encourage at least one person a week, but I bet you could surpass this and encourage one person a day. Don’t worry about how it is taken or what they will think. Give God the glory and honor and He will take care of the rest.

Try to Love

       Others and

        Value

       Everyone today.

“If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love,I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

The task set before us is daunting and tiring but keep moving…keep going. You have the “God of angel armies” by your side. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)