Suicide

     This writing business has been hard because when I feel called to share something I know that I must share it or feel horrible until I finally cave in and share. I will warn you this post will be lengthy but please read it...
      I’m not going to throw statistics at you about suicide because you have heard them and they don’t seem to affect us like the researchers think they will. We tend to think no one that I know would possibly consider that, or people who commit suicide show signs of not being happy. I can assure you both assumptions are wrong. When you hear the “S” word you probably cringe and feel sorrow for the person who took their life, their family and friends. What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to you and others may not be shocked at all. I want to share with you a portion of my past….

                I have struggled and fought with thoughts of suicide. When I hear that someone took their own life, I don’t have your typical response. Instead of asking why or how, I usually say it’s not as far-fetched as you think. I’ve received crazy looks for that comment. I don’t agree with suicide but since I’ve struggled with it I’m not as taken back as others when I hear of someone taking their life. Suicide is a weapon that the devil likes to use. It’s really effective and does the trick, which is to keep you from being an effective member of God’s kingdom. It’s not hard to start believing the fiery darts called lies that the devil throws at you. It takes a long time for negative words to fade. I’ve heard that it takes 100 compliments to replace 1 insult. To help you wrap your mind around this, think of someone who is constantly being put down or is in a bad environment, where negative words are thrown around constantly. It could take a lifetime of kind words before the person starts truly believing it. This person is an easy target for the devil. He will use this to keep them down. He has one job and that is to deceive you, so you can’t be an effective follower of Christ.

                Suicide is so prevalent in our country and sadly I predict we will see a rise because we are so engrossed in technology that we don’t take the time to have a face to face conversation with another human who can show emotion and give a hug when needed. Up to this point I’ve been avoiding sharing my battle with thoughts of suicide. Please, don’t feel sorry for me, I’m good now…just use this to help you or someone close to you. I hope it will change your idea of the person who considers suicide as an answer…

Before I begin: I never attempted suicide but the thoughts were there.

I was in a very dark place as a teenager in high school growing up in a step family situation. I was depressed and didn’t feel loved. I remember thinking how everyone’s life would be better if I was gone. I would get caught up in my thoughts and think how good life would be for my mom, brother and everyone else around me if I wasn’t around. I was too scared to take my own life, partially because I was told the cardinal sin is suicide, and hell is where a person would spend eternity for taking their own life. (I have a different view now that I’m grown) I remember thinking if I just went full speed ahead into a tree or forest that should do it and my life would be over. It sounds silly, but I didn’t want to use a gun and from what I'd heard pills didn't work. I also wanted it to look like an accident, that way no one would realize it was suicide. Time and time again I would have these thoughts, but slowly, and I mean slowly they have faded to a memory of a time when I was in a dark pit. These thoughts still had a grip on my life in the early years of my marriage. God was there though, and he didn’t give up on me.

When I hear people say how could they do that or they are so selfish, it hurts. I agree, suicide is a selfish act but not everyone is focused on themselves when they take their own life. Suicide is not easy to understand and should be looked at as spiritual war fare. I would like to remind or point out to you that the devil tempted Jesus, son of God, with suicide. “Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ‘If you are the Son of God,’ he said, ‘throw yourself down.” (Matthew 4:5-6) The devil waited until Jesus was tired and hungry and then started his attack. The same goes for us, and especially those considering suicide. The devil waits until you are beat down with life and throws the darts at you. You are a much easier target when you are beat down. If the devil tempted Jesus with suicide then he will most certainly use it against us. Yes, even Christians, who better to attack than those who claim to believe in God?

If you are tempted with suicidal thoughts, talk to a trusted friend or family member, read your Bible, have others pray for you, and if you can pray for yourself. Pray that God would bind Satan from these attacks. No matter the line you have been fed, the devil is lying to you. You are loved, you are precious, and worthy in God’s sight. Please reach out to someone, if you feel you have no one, I’m here, message me or call and we can talk. I pray this helps someone. To those who don’t understand suicide, trust me when I say neither does the person who is thinking it or has committed it.  Why, because it is not truly them who wants this, it is the devil. Spiritual warfare is real, and the rules are completely different than those we are used to in this world. You have to prepare for it and dress in your armor. Read Ephesians 6: 10-17 and do what it says, daily.

My friends, you are loved, you are more precious than gold! Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)