Becoming Me

Growing up I couldn’t wait to be an adult. In my mind, all the grown-ups were able to do what they wanted, whenever they wanted. Oh, the innocence of childhood. You think once you’re grown you will know it all and stop “growing.” As I write this I smile at how silly that sounds. The truth is I haven’t stopped growing at least not spiritually.

I have this thirst, hunger, and desire to grow closer to God and become who He wants me to be. The hardest part is letting go of who I think or thought I was supposed to be. I’m growing and changing and sometimes it hurts. The “growing pains” don’t go away once we’re grown. As I mentioned earlier, to become who I was created to be I have to let go. (Frozen anybody?) I had to let go of my past and not let it define me anymore. I’m still working on this but I’m so much better than I use to be. The next part is recognizing my “issues” or weaknesses. I’ve started realizing them and often times cower or bow my head in shame, but I am starting to slowly accept that these issues are a part of me. Yes, even my weaknesses are from God. If I will let Him, he will use them for His glory. His strength can be found in my weaknesses. Even Paul talked about his weaknesses and this is what he says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 I’ve been writing on a surface level, but let’s dig a little deeper.

In order to grow, at some point we have to dig a little deeper, take a step back and evaluate ourselves. I’ve started doing this and I try my best to be “this is who I am” and/or “what you see is what you get” type person. I’m not perfect, never will be and I no longer put that type of pressure on myself. I do want to share a few of my weaknesses with you:

1.       I’m selfish

2.       I’m prideful

3.       I’m a planner…ok…control freak

4.       I don’t like crowds

5.       I don’t like speaking in front of others (especially my age or older)

These are sins or can lead to sin. I can choose to be selfish, prideful, take control, panic in crowds and freeze when speaking in front of others or I can choose to trust God. Through prayer and God working on my heart, my weaknesses are becoming stepping stones for me to become the me God wants me to be. Here are some ways God is working in my life:

    He has changed my heart from, what can I gain or benefit from someone to how I can serve them. I now ask God to show me how to pray/help those in my life. I am slowly realizing that God will use me in others’ lives the way he wants to use me, nothing more, and nothing less. I am also realizing that God wants me to lean on Him and trust Him with every detail of my life. I can’t be afraid to try new things but more importantly I can’t be afraid to fail. I don’t like speaking in front of others and yet God has called me to speak. I haven’t been asked to speak at many events (which I’m OK with) but I know God is preparing me.

I didn’t share this to brag but to show God will take our fears, doubts, failures, and weaknesses and use them for His glory. Change scares me and yet it’s the only way to keep growing. I’m so thankful that God is right beside me, constantly shaping me to become the me, He wants me to be. May God’s grace and mercy pour out on you. Will you embrace His will for your life? Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)