Prey or PRAY

Have you ever doubted? Do you have insecurities? Do you sometimes let your thoughts become negative? Have you ever let them spiral out of control? Are you prey? Do you pray, when your thoughts spiral out of control?

I know; that’s a lot of questions. They are ones that make me squirm. I have to answer YES to ALL of them. This past week I struggled with doubt, my insecurities, and negative thoughts. The devil knows exactly how to get to me and those three things make me an easy target. When you add “alone” time to this I become an easy prey. So, if you will allow me to rewind the clock and start where my struggle began.
Last Wednesday, I had a big step in my faith. Things were great and I was so blessed that my eyes wouldn’t stop tearing up. I woke up Thursday feeling the same way. I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Friday rolled around and things started to change for me. My thoughts turned negative and I was so full of doubt. By Saturday morning my thoughts were out of control. I finally broke down and wrote a prayer. (I’ll share it later) I started to feel better and was busy being a mommy. Sunday was great and I truly enjoyed church, but by the evening my thoughts were back. Monday, UGH MONDAY, I was good at work until lunch. By the time I made it home from work I wasn’t in a good mood. Then, finally-A Break Through- Tuesday brought renewed hope, no doubts, no negative thoughts and no insecurity issues.

I shared all of this with you so I could say beware of Satan. The Bible tells us this: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV) I was that someone. I had a great step forward in my walk and the devil didn’t like it. He was ready to attack and I wasn’t alert. Here’s the formula that was used against me. I was alone from Wednesday-Saturday because my husband was at a conference. This meant just me and the kids but when bedtime came I had “alone” time; which allowed my mind to work overtime. I can picture the devil now, setting those darts on fire and sending ‘em my way. I have been in this battle of the mind before, but this time I did somethings I hadn’t done before. I prayed, ask friends to pray for me, read my Bible, prayed some more and blasted, yes blasted; Christian music like I was back in high school jamming to my favorite song. I did these things as often as I could. I had a break through Tuesday and a victory over the devil. I kept trudging on, trying my best to not let this struggle get the best of me and God showed me how the devil was getting me. God is faithful! The devil took my insecurities, the changes in my life, combined the two and sent fiery darts labeled DOUBT into my mind.

I felt led to share this with you, because I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. (At least I don’t think so) Keep renewing your mind with God’s word each day. Pray and ask others to pray for you. There is no shame in it. I’m so thankful I have people in my life who pray when I ask them to. God will help you, no matter how small your struggle seems to be. When you fall prey to the devil remember to pray. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Here's my Poem/Prayer from Saturday morning:

God in Heaven,

Lord above,

The One who watches over me with Love....

Guard my thoughts,

Guard my mind,

Lord, please Satan bind,

So my soul may rest,

So he will flee,

And your peace will live within me.

~ Amen 

Hearts

“I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.” (Psalm 40:10 NIV)

I like drawing hearts. I think most girls do. I remember the first time I saw a picture of an actual human heart. I thought that can’t be my heart, it’s UGLY! You don’t see people drawing actual human hearts because of how cute they are. I mean really, can you picture an I (insert real heart pic) love you on a note? I think I’ll continue to use the “fake” heart, besides I’m not much of an artist.

I was sitting here thinking about Valentine ’s Day and what it means to many people. A lot of people feel very loved today, and a lot of people feel unloved. I started thinking about the significance of drawing a “fake” heart and a real heart. Bear with me as I share, this may not come out like I thought.  We draw the “fake” hearts to show our love, but in real life it’s often the “fake” heart we show others. We don’t want people to see who we really are. So, we walk around with fake smiles and fake answers all to go along with our “fake” hearts. I’m not pointing fingers, because I am that person. I don’t want you to see my real heart. Why? There are two reasons, you may find out how I really am and hurt me. The other reason, you may see my real heart and say that’s UGLY and not like me. Either way, I’m hurt but you are not. It’s a form of protection.
   
Today, we show love to our loved ones and give each other cute little hearts. There are hearts with chocolate (which I’m good with) and hearts with loving words. We don’t mind those hearts, but are we (am I) willing to share my real heart with others? Am I willing to set aside the “fake” heart and expose the real heart? The heart that reveals the hurt I’ve endured. The heart that believes loyalty and compassion are far more important than being fake. Or, maybe the heart that says, I care way too much for others. These qualities aren’t bad, but what about letting go completely of the fakeness and allowing others to know you so well that they know about your bad habits. How about those annoying things I do because of my insecurities? Can you; will you accept me and all my realness? Better yet, can I accept that you may not like the real heart?

I’m willing to bet, if we stopped showing others our “fake” beautiful hearts we would see that others do like us. Yes, even the “UGLY” heart inside. You see, it’s not the “I’ve got it all together” that people want. It’s the “I don’t have it all together and I struggle with this” that people want; actually I would say people need. When God created humans, he made us to need each other. The only way we can truly help each other is by sharing our real hearts. Remember, God lives inside of you, so you don’t have to wear the fake heart. I will give you this warning: Be careful, you might find your “UGLY” heart is a lot prettier than you ever gave it credit for. “Fake” hearts are great for showing our love on special occasions, but don’t let the fear of being real be the reason you show others your “fake” heart.

Share your real heart with others. Pray for God to use you and your story. Pray for God to show you who to share your real heart with. On this Valentine’s Day don’t just give fake hearts to those you care about, be sure to show your real heart too.


HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Response to Embracing the Risk of Friendship

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17 NASB)
This morning my Pastor’s sermon was on embracing the risks of friendship. He started off saying a lot of things I was agreeing with and I was even nodding my head in agreement. Then he just had to go and say some things to make me think. The poor mice haven’t stopped working since!

I’m pretty sure my Pastor was talking to me this morning. I’m not much of an outspoken person, until you get to know me. I’m always nervous when meeting new people and tend to let my insecurities take over. I don’t like to RISK being rejected. I started thinking of how cautious I am when it comes to using the word friend or even being “friendly”. I’m not sure why I am this way but I have a few theories. My first theory is I’ve been let down so many times it’s just safer to not use the word friend and to be to myself. The second theory is I hold being someone’s friend very high. It’s not something I take lightly and I consider it a true honor to be called friend. (Okay, so maybe those aren’t theories…they are facts) I try to be a good friend, but I’m not always a good friend. I mess up or I feel let down because of something someone did or did not do. Then I let that get in the way of my friendship. I get consumed with thoughts of how I think someone thinks of me and that cycle of thinking just keeps spinning. Pastor put it very nicely this morning; let others come up with their own reasons to not like you. (Paraphrased) A friend sent me a message of FB the other day and boy did it fit me to the T. “Think too much and you will create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.” This is soooo me!! I’m working on that though.

I want to share with you what I walked away with this morning. I walked away feeling relieved because I have a friend who will never leave my side no matter how bad I mess up. My friend’s name is Jesus. "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15 NIV) I also walked out of service accepting three of Pastor’s challenges. They are as follows:
Challenge 1: Make a friend. (I believe I’m working on that.)
I’m nervous about this challenge, but if God chooses to call a lowly sinner like me friend then I should be willing to take a risk and make a new friend or friends. This is way out of my comfort zone. Like, stomach in knots, and hands shaking nervous!
Challenge 2: Make a phone call to repair a damaged friendship. (I have a couple folks in mind.)
This challenge scares me, but I want to do my part in fixing a friendship.
• Note to new friend(s)….if you read this, please know I realize you could choose to not be my friend after reading this, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Challenge 3: Clear time for a friend you’ve been ignoring. ( I haven’t been intentionally ignoring anyone, but I know what I’m doing with my days off towards the end of the month.)
This is truly a challenge because of time but it’s worth the effort. I need to start making time for my friends. (How else will they know I care and stick around?)

I want to share this with you too: This morning I prayed for a small thing to happen. It was, in my opinion silly, but a simple gesture, and one I’m not real good at initiating. God is faithful and answered even the small, silly prayer. I will be bathing all my challenges in prayer as I set out to accomplish them. Can you identify with me on any of these challenges? If so, let me extend the same challenge to you: Embrace a Friendship with God and People. The risk is so worth it! Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)
* If you would like to hear the sermon click on the link: centraltyler.org/
click on sermons and you should find today's, I promise you will be blessed! (might have to give it a day or two to be posted)

WAVES

Have you ever had a day when bad news just kept coming at you like the waves in the ocean just before a storm? I had that type of day yesterday. Due to the privacy of others I will not go into details but still want to share my day and emotions with you. My first wave came before I left for work yesterday morning. A message that someone I love dearly was in the hospital. The second wave came in the early afternoon hours. I was told the school I work for lost its appeal to the state board of education commissioner. The third wave came later last night telling me of some news to do with the same loved one in the hospital. I don’t have days like this very often and as a matter of fact this is the first one like this in years. My heart was heavy last week and it was heavy yesterday when I woke up. I knew something was coming, but didn’t know what.

Today, as I write this my heart is heavy and the tears come easily. My emotions have put me on a roller coaster and just when it seems like the ride is about over they start heading up for another round. I want to run. I want to hide. I want to be alone. This is what my flesh is wanting me to do. Once my emotions calm down I can hear God’s promises to me. I know He has me, I am not alone, and He is in control. I am not going to hide what’s going on with me from others so I have let some people know. I have taken advantage of the family I have in Christ. It’s nice to know I can ask others to pray and they will. I want to run but instead I stand still and let God be the anchor for my soul. I want to be alone, but instead I spend time with my family and count my blessings. I say this because there was a time, not too long ago; when I would have let my flesh win. I would have let my emotions take control of me and I would have run, hidden and made sure I was alone.

The waves came at me so fast yesterday. I had no time to process one event to the next. I was numb with shock. The turbulence in my life is picking up. The gale force winds are here. The storm of change lies ahead and is gaining speed. I don’t like change, and typically steer clear of it. This time it is different because I know who is in my corner. I will not cower in fear. I will not hide to try to avoid it. I will not run to try to escape it. I’m going to hunker down. I’m going to brace myself for the impact of the waves continually hitting me. I’m going to open my Bible and allow my God to use this time to grow me. This storm of change and waves of uncertainty will not drown me in my fears and sorrows. Depression will not take hold of me. My God walks on water and not only will He pull me out of the waves, He is here with me. He is the anchor of my soul. When the storm has passed I pray I’m all the better for it. Will this be easy-NO. Does uncertainty scare me-YES. I lay my life at Jesus’ feet. He can steer this earthly vessel through the calm and the storm. May you seek Him always and find Him in your storms…remember when words won’t come all you have to say is JESUS. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Not What You Think

Have you ever sat down and wrote out your dreams? Have you ever prayed over them? Have you taken the first steps to see them come true? Then, BAM; what you were heading towards turns out to not be where God wants you to be.

I’ve been there before and I’m there now.  We moved forward with what we thought God wanted us to do, but God redirected us. I thought it was one thing, but it’s not what I was thinking.  It’s upsetting but I trust in Him. There are times when we have to take a step back and reassess. Stand still and listen to God’s voice, His direction, and His guidance. When things seem to fall apart around you, just keep going. Praise God for what He has blessed you with and the blessings He is getting ready to pour out on you.

I sense change is coming in my life. The ironic thing is major change has been the constant in my life for two years now. I find myself needing to take the time to deal with the let down or change of direction of my plans so I can move forward with God’s plans. I’m not good with change but I rest in this promise from God: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

While you wait for God to reveal His plan for you, keep praising Him, and studying His word. Stand still, sit quietly and wait…..He will reveal to you what you need to know in His timing. Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)