I’m not sure how long this post will be nor do I know the direction it will take. What I do know is I have been putting this post off all weekend. Why, because I do not want to let go and let everyone see my struggles. Here it goes, I’m going to just lay it out there and let God have my fears. Before I start let me just say that Nick, my husband, did okay this.
I guess the best place to start is 10 years ago when I was a newlywed. Nick and I made financial decisions without prayer. We would continue this path until I started teaching at Gladewater. So, what’s the big deal you ask? Well, we are sitting in a tough spot because of it. Don’t get me wrong we are blessed beyond words, but could we be sitting better had we consulted God before making decisions? Yes! I don’t want to go into the long story, but to sum it up we have debt. Who doesn’t right? Sit back and let me tell the rest of the story.
I’m going to rewind the clock a little past two years and start there. It was the end of the school year and I felt a tug on my heart to stop teaching. I had prayed about this off and on throughout the school year, but as the year was winding down I knew I needed to make a decision. I took one work week and prayed constantly to God to tell me if I should stay at home or teach. Ok, so what’s the big deal ladies stay at home all the time…right? Well, both of my kids were in school and like I said we are in debt. We had been working hard to pay off small credit cards and other things, but we still had debt. There was no real way I could not teach and live as comfortable as we were. We would be ok financially but not comfortable. By comfortable I mean not going and doing as much as we would like or was used to. After talking to Nick and having his support and praying for a week, I turned in my resignation letter. I had my doubts, but knew that God told me to resign. All I wanted and still want is to follow God’s will for my life. Now my journey as not being a teacher continues. I now have a part time job as a church secretary, but am blessed to work where I am at. I wish I could say my doubts have left and I am completely okay with where I am at, but that would be a lie. As I sit here writing I wrestle with the worldly things of a brick home and money to spend freely…those things are what I dream of, but we are still working towards those dreams. What I want more than that is to follow God’s will. I want to be where He wants me to be. So, for now I must find contentment with the fact that I am blessed beyond words. I have a house, two cars, money in the bank, but more importantly I have a loving Husband, two Healthy, Beautiful Kids, a Job, my Health and most important of all…A GOD who is MY SAVIOR and FRIEND.
When you look at me and wonder why I would give up teaching and the comforts of two full time paychecks consider this…1) How long do I have to be with my kids before they are grown? 2) Is it more important for me to have money or spend time with my kids? 3) Am I poor by America’s standards or by God’s standards? 4) Which is more important? I do have my doubts, and times when I get really down, but then I pray and ask God for wisdom. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NIV)
Am I happy with where I am at financially? NO! Would I give up the time I have with my kids because I’m not teaching? NO! God is doing something in my life. I’m not sure what it is, but I know that I can trust HIM and all is going to be just fine. It’s more important to me to follow God’s will and be poor in the worlds eyes than to be rich in the worlds eyes and not in God’s will. May you seek God and find contentment with where you are at in life and know that He’s not finished with you yet! Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)
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