Searching

  "But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29

 Do you or have you ever felt like something is missing? Maybe you feel like you should be doing something but you're not sure what. I have spent a lot of time feeling like this. I have searched for the one thing that seemed to be missing from my life. Take a walk with me down memory lane, and let's see if you have ever felt this way.
 My life as a child was one that wasn't the worst but certainly wasn't the best. I grew up with hardships most folks face when they are grown. I learned about death of a parent(my dad) at the age of 7 and the death of a grandparent just a few months later. This was only the beginning of my hardships.....we can jump to the conclusion that I have searched for the love of a father.  As I became a teenager I was marked in school as an at risk student but never realized it until I took education classes in college. :) My search to fill a void in my life began during the trying years as a teenager. I wasn't popular nor did I feel important at home. My search caused me to put a lot of people on pedestals which only left me heartbroken and even more confused. " for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23 Even after I was saved I couldn't seem to fully grasp that all people fall short. I was searching for someone who was perfect who would treat me the way I wanted to be treated and not hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally. This didn't happen, and I would stop talking to people because they hurt me. I have ruined several friendships because I held my friends to such high standards. The simple thing would have been to realize that the only person who deserves for me to put them on a pedestal is God. He should be the person that I look to at all times, for all occasions and all relationships. I married my husband hoping he would feel the void in my life. The void was filled but only for a while, as with all things on earth the joy only lasts for a while. Don't get me wrong, I'm happily married, but the feeling that I was missing something was still there. By this time I was baptized and was attending church...so what was I looking for? It's simple but it will drive you crazy if you don't understand it. The void, that something missing, was a relationship with my savior, Jesus. I knew and believed in him and all the wonderful things he has done but my heart was yearning for more. "Anyone who chooses to do the will of God will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own." John 7:17 I wasn't fully committed to God's will in my life. I was still doing what I wanted to do and taking in what I heard at church but not truly acting on it or applying all of it to my life. So what was missing? It wasn't a relationship with family or friends but a relationship with my creator, my savior, my father, my friend. I was searching for a relationship with God. He is the only being that will always be there for you. He is the only one who can fill the void in your life. You can try to fill the missing piece with relationships or with material things but until you find him the void will only be filled for a little while. You are seeking him whether you realize it or not, but once you start seeking a relationship with him, he will be there. He promises never to leave us, just seek him and he's there. Put God on your perfect pedestal and no one else. My lessons have been learned the hard way and to be honest I'm still learning about pedestals. As a matter of fact, it's almost as if I have a default mode, new person, new friend, new pedestal.  I'm learning to give even the small things to God, but especially my relationships. Now I say new friend, new prayer, and instead of letting that friendship end in ruin I forgive them. I'm not perfect at it and sometimes I still act like the old Kim but once I pray and hand it over to God all is well. God knows what's going on with me and my friend as he does you and he will take care of it. I hope that you will stop searching in all the wrong places and start searching in the book left for us..Brief Instructions Before Leaving Earth for your answers. I have found what I was searching for and I pray that you will too. Until next time may God Bless you and Keep you.
*Bible verses taken from NIV Bible