Lamenting Joel

 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Jesus, do you even care about me?

Jesus, are you there?

Jesus, do you hear my prayers or see my tears?

    The hurt we feel when we lose a loved one can cut so deep that not even a sliver of light can penetrate the darkness that clouds our minds. “They’re in a better place” or “They’re no longer in pain” are said to comfort you, but they do very little to actually bring the comfort you long for. 

    There’s a different story though when your loved one that dies was a known druggie. The phone doesn’t ring, beep, or vibrate. Sure people send their condolences but it’s different. The comforting words aren’t said and most people are thinking one less dope head to worry about or serves them right. 

    The fact is, it doesn’t matter how the person died, the people who are left behind are still hurt. The desire to see, hear and touch your loved one just ONE MORE TIME is overwhelming. All the what-ifs running through your head, and the darkness that overcomes you is still there; but the support you need from the community dries up when the person who died doesn’t match society’s view of a person that deserves to be mourned.

    My brother died of a heart attack on August 12th, 2019. I had just finished volleyball practice when I found out and was heading to my house. The pain from this phone call caused my stomach to knot up and push a golf ball size lump into my throat. I held myself together as I got out of the truck, and found my husband and kids sitting outside. I was expecting to deliver this horrible news to my mom (our mom), but I found her wailing on my kitchen floor with her cell phone facing up. My aunt was on the other end, telling me she was sorry. I cried, of course, and my mom and I immediately packed and drove solemnly for two hours to her house, where my brother had passed away. 

    I, however, held it all together. I was strong until I wasn’t. I broke about a week later. It was Tuesday, game day, and I was determined to be there for my girls, for my team. I made it through our game even though the reality of my brother’s death and the fact that I had not dealt with it was slapping me in the face. I sat quietly, on the bench for the varsity game and as the game ended, my world started to crumble. I jetted out of the gym, snatched my belongings from the coach's office, jumped in my car, and drove home before releasing the loudest, most pain-filled scream to God. 

    In that moment of lamenting, I questioned God. I screamed at God. I couldn’t understand why he would allow me to lose yet another person in my life. Hadn’t I been through enough? It was pitch black outside, and my soul felt just as dark. Just as I was letting out my anger and “letting God have it”, the dome light in the car came on. The light penetrated the dark inside the truck and somehow found its way into my heart. My husband quietly shut the passenger door, reached for my hand, and said, “it’s okay, let it all out, I’ve been wondering how much longer you would make it before breaking.” God sent Nick outside at just the right moment, I put my head on the steering wheel and sobbed. As the tears streamed down my face I knew God heard me and eventually I was going to be okay. 

    You may not feel like God is there. You may not feel like he cares. BUT GOD..is ALWAYS there, he DOES care, and he HEARS your prayers. It just may be that you're sitting in the dark and you can’t see him. God will send someone to reach out to you and to turn the light on so you can see him. He’s there waiting for us to cry out to him and when you do he will carry you through.

Busy

Tired? 

Overwhelmed?

Stressed?

Me too! It’s just the “busy” time of year, at least that is what I keep telling myself. I’ve had several friends ask me recently to pray that they are able to focus on what’s most important in their lives and not get caught up in the rush of life, or the things that can distract them from the important things in their lives. We all tend to take on more than we should, and when we do we become tired, overwhelmed, and stressed. God didn’t create us to live life the way most Americans do. We rush around all the time trying to get so much accomplished, take our kids to everything, and still maintain our health; yet we don’t realize the negative effect that being busy can have on our health holistically. 

This time of year brings excitement, fun, and a sense of community, but it can be overwhelming when we don’t allow ourselves the time to rest, recover, and unwind from the constant coming and going from all the activities we attend. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this time of year and all the activities, but it can hurt us if we don’t slow down enough to spend quality time with God and our family. Our focus shifts from God and family to what event is next, and before we know it a month has gone by without any quality time with God or our family. 

If you’re like me, you become cranky and snippy, then you wonder why no one is talking to you or wants to be around you. I have noticed I need my sleep to function and to stay in a good mood. I also need time to be still, let go of the daily stresses (which I’m not good at letting go of), and rest in God’s presence. I prefer to be outside because it helps me to relax and I connect with God more when I’m outside enjoying His creation, but my schedule doesn’t always allow that. I do my best to set aside time every morning to read my devotional and scripture, pray, and then start my day. I find that I am less cranky or not cranky at all after spending time with God and I’m much more likely to be an encouragement to others.

When you start to feel tired, overwhelmed and stressed; slow down, take a deep breath, and talk to God. Even in our busiest seasons of life God is there and is happy that we are enjoying life, but he created us to need to rest. Ask Him what you can let go of, or say no to so you slow down and stay focused on the important things in your life. Don’t become so caught up in the hustle and bustle of this time of year that you forget about God and your family. You don’t have to say yes to everything you’re invited to. Make God a priority and everything else will fall into place. Live in the moment, don't live for the moments. Remember… one breath at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. “I lift up my eyes to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

Oh FORTY

 “Do not rejoice over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will stand up; though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” Micah 7:8

40... It’s just a number yet it has some sort of hold on me. It’s scary and exciting. It is knocking at my door, and I’m not quite sure how I want to greet it when I open the door to enter a new decade of my life. Over the past year, I have moved the curtains ever so slightly to peek out the window as others opened the door to 40 to see how 40 greeted them and vice versa. Some greeted 40 with open arms, some solemnly, and others treated 40 as if it were nothing. 40 seems to be a big deal for me, and within this past week, my perspective has changed. 

For many years I looked at 40 and thought, “Life is halfway over when you reach 40, how sad.” As the months dwindled down to weeks, I began going through the ups and downs of being close to 40 and thinking about my life. I looked at my life as a walk through the wilderness, and wondered why my life went the way it did, and just like the Israelites had to wander the wilderness for forty years before they could enter the promised land; I finally realized I had to walk through, okay honestly, sometimes it was waller and crawl through, some tough times to reach where I’m at now. I’m not walking in the promised land, but I’m certainly not in the valley of darkness anymore either. I am entering a new decade of life with a new perspective and a renewed hope that I haven’t had in quite some time. 

My life hasn’t been easy, but the older I get I realize no one escapes this life without some tough times. Some people are blessed with scenic views and rainbows and have very few tough times while others seem to have sharp turns, bridges, potholes, and dead ends. I’ve definitely had more of the bumpy roads with sharp turns and dead ends than scenic views. The enemy has tried to knock me down over and over, but I keep getting up. Instead of looking back on the past forty years and saying how sad, I’m looking back and counting my blessings. I can clearly see where God blessed, guided, loved, and protected me.  If I could write a letter to my younger self I would tell myself to relax, have fun, laugh more, stop trying to make everyone happy, and take care of yourself, but most importantly grow your relationship with Jesus. As I count down the days to turning the big 4-0, I am counting my blessings and I’m amazed at where I came from and where I am now. Without the loving hands of God there is no way I would be where I am now, nor would I be the person I am today. I am rich, not because of the material things that God has blessed me with, but because I have a loving husband, kids, family, friends, and good health. 

Physically, I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I’m working on it. Mentally, I am much better off than I was, but I still have work to do. Spiritually, I am moving forward in my walk with the Lord, but still have a ways to go. Overall, I would say 40 is looking better and better. Am I still nervous about what this new decade holds? Yes, because I know there will still be trials and rough roads ahead, but I know who holds my future, so I’m at peace. When the day comes for me to answer the knock at the door to allow 40 to come in I will greet it with a spark in my eye, a smile on my face, and a fire in my soul to live life on purpose; making every moment intentional because from a very young age I was taught tomorrow is not guaranteed. Here’s to 40! Let’s do this!

Love Others

 “If I say to the wicked, ‘You are going to die’, and you don’t sound the alarm warning them that it’s a matter of life or death, they will die and it will be your fault. I’ll hold you responsible.” Ezekiel 3:18 The Message

There is a famous quote by Edmond Burke that has been on my mind lately and it states, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” How long will we Christians sit on our hands and hide in our “perfect” worlds of blue skies, rainbows, and churches filled with fellow believers who pretend to have it all together? Our beliefs are being mocked and disregarded as we sit complacently in our chairs, pews, and homes accepting that this is just how it all goes down. The more we sit back and do nothing, the worse this world will get, and more souls will be lost, rightfully so. We are in the midst of a battle, and instead of drawing our swords to fight we are sitting back and allowing the enemy to win. 

The youth of today are being bombarded with a worldview that sets them up for mental illnesses, poor health, and a mindset that focuses only on themselves. Empathy and sympathy are headed out the window, while pride and selfishness are marching through the door as a way of living the best life. I’ll get what I want, and it doesn’t matter who I hurt or how I get it;  just as long as it doesn’t hurt me. This way of thinking is becoming more and more prevalent. Our kids have access to news, social media, and information that they’re not old enough to understand. Their brains are not fully developed, and yet we seem to think it will not affect how they behave or perceive the world and themselves. Their identities are being built on how many followers, likes, and viewers they have on their social media accounts. As Isaiah says, “What sorrow for those who are wise in their own eyes and think themselves so clever.” Now is the time to take a stand, speak the truth, and let them see that there is a better way and that their identities are found in Christ. 

How can we change this? How can we fight when it seems we have already lost the battle? We must put on our armor, take up our swords, and remember we are fighting a battle, but the war has already been won. God will be with us and has gone before us. Stand firm, be bold, and LOVE others so the world can see there is hope in this dark, lost world. We need to LOVE others how Jesus loves us. That means speaking the truth, and the only truth worth speaking is the words from the Bible. We are at a point in history where if we don’t start speaking the truth we are missing our purpose. People are hurting, suffering, and looking for hope, justice, love, and peace. The harvest is plenty, and now is the time to start reaping. As Christians, we can point them to the only one who can give them what they are looking for, but we can’t do this by pretending that our lives are perfect. It’s time to be real with others. It’s time to start living life the way God intended it to be lived, and that means allowing others in our lives. We need to get off our cell phones and social media, out of our houses, and look up to see what is really going on around us. We can hide in our houses and give our money to the poor, but until we get outside and LOVE others we aren’t really living the life God has planned for us. “If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:3 (NLT) Challenge yourself this week and choose to go for a walk and talk to a neighbor, set your phone down on your lunch break and visit with a coworker or family member, or send an encouraging text to someone you care about. Be the light and LOVE others.

Turn on the light

 "Then Jesus spoke to them again: "I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life." John 8:12

    Ouch! I grumbled as I walked into the doorframe half asleep. I didn't want to turn the light on as to not disturb my husband as he lay in bed asleep, but my eyes didn't adjust to the darkness quick enough and I stumbled into the doorframe as I left our bedroom for an early morning trip to the bathroom. I wasn't seriously injured, but I could have been.

    Have your eyes adjusted to the darkness of this world? Do you prefer to walk in the darkness so you can't see what is around you? Many people will say that it's good to accept the world's view on every subject, but I disagree. We should stand firm on our Christian beliefs and morals. As Christians, we know that God banished Satan to earth and gave him free reign on this world until Jesus comes back again. As the time for Jesus to return draws near, Satan has and will continue to corrupt this world and that is why we can't accept the world's view. The corruption can be seen throughout the world and it is becoming more evident every day, even here in the "Bible belt", where I live. We are slowly accepting evil and often times we do not realize that it is happening. This has not happened overnight; we can look at our acceptance of moral decline as something so small as the acceptance of foul language in TV shows and movies. When you walk in the grocery store or go out to eat with your family you will most likely hear the expletives flying all around you, and no one seems to even notice. We have become desensitized to foul language because of what we allow ourselves to listen to and watch daily.  Sadly, our eyes have adjusted to the darkness of sin just enough that no one can tell that we are walking in the dark, which is exactly what Satan wants. He wants your eyes to adjust to the darkness just enough so that you can see but you don't realize what is really going on. Satan disguises himself as an angel of light and tricks people into thinking that there is nothing wrong with the dullness of the light he is shining. His light illuminates just enough for you to keep walking safely or so it seems to be safe. He is causing many Christians to stumble because he's shouting don't turn the light on and we're listening. What light?

    In John chapter eight, Jesus called himself the light of the world. When you became a Christian you were filled with the Holy Spirit and thus have the light living in you. Satan doesn't want you to turn your light on because you will make the world bright. The dull light that he is shining for you will dissipate and the true light will shine brightly and illuminate the things that are important for the Kingdom of God. The darkness will fade as you share the gospel and become the hands and feet of Christ. The darkness will fade as you love others as yourself. The darkness will fade as you speak Jesus' name over your life, a tough situation you may be facing, a bad relationship, or many other hurts that life has to offer. Turn your light on, so you can truly see this world as God sees it, and as Jesus saw it while he was here on this earth. Pick up your Bible and read it, then apply it to your life, pray throughout your day, sing God's praise, and thank him for your many blessings, so your light will not be dimmed. Turn your light on and keep it shining for others to see.

    When you turn your light on Satan scampers away because he can not co-exist with Jesus. Jesus wins every time. Satan cries out OUCH when we turn the light on, just as I did when I walked into the doorframe. I made it back to my bed without running into the doorframe on my way back from the bathroom because I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness before attempting to walk back to my bedroom. I didn't turn the light on so I wouldn't wake my husband up, but as Christians, we should turn the light on, and wake up the people around us, so they can truly see and not stumble in the darkness. 

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

Too Simple

    

"But his officers tried to reason with him and said, "Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something difficult, wouldn't you have done it? 2 Kings 5:13a NLT

How many times have you missed out on being healed because you didn't like the way it looked or sounded? As little kids, a kiss on the boo-boo or a band-aid is an immediate fix. We are happy with the attention and run off to play some more. As we get older that simple fix doesn't work and we want ice, a band-aid, and some time to rest and recover before we go back to playing. Once we become adults a simple fix just doesn't seem to solve the hurt, you have to baby the wound before you can move on. The simple things just don't work or at least that is what we are programmed to believe. This not only happens physically but spiritually; before we know it, a period of time has flown by, and we are still trying to heal. This healing can be from someone or something in your life that has hurt you, but for this post, I'm going to speak on our sins. Yes, even I sin, it's inevitable, and though I don't like to admit it I sin daily. We are told as believers if we ask for forgiveness of our sins they will be forgiven. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9 HCSB 

    How many times have you missed out on a blessing, blessing others, or a calling because you could not forgive yourself? The Bible, which is God's word, clearly states that if we ask for forgiveness it is given, so why do we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves. We get caught up in our mistakes and we are not able to move forward. I have a theory, or at least God is opening my eyes to why I struggle with forgiving myself. IT'S TOO EASY! Like Naaman from 2 Kings, I find myself thinking in order for me to gain forgiveness from God it should be earned. I should have to do some difficult task to be worthy of God's forgiveness and to forgive myself for messing up, but that is not what God says to do. Let's look at Naaman's background real quick and discuss this story that jumped out at me one morning this past week as I read my Bible. Naaman was a commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was an excellent commander, won many battles, and was favored by the king, but there was a problem, Naaman had leprosy. During this time, leprosy was viewed as a sign of sinfulness and you needed to ask for forgiveness and be cleansed. Naaman went to Elisha's house, a prophet of God so he could be cleansed of this "sin". His response to his cure isn't too far from what mine has been at times. He became angry and refused to do what Elisha's messenger told him to do. Why did he become angry? Naaman was expecting Elisha to come out and wave his hand over him or at least give him some difficult task to complete. Instead, Elisha sends a messenger to tell Naaman the simplest of tasks, "Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored and you will be healed of your leprosy." 2 Kings 5: 10 That's it, just go wash yourself, it seems simple enough.

    You see Naaman was expecting a different answer, and this threw him off guard. In my opinion, Naaman did the hard part which is humbling himself and asking how to be cleansed. He was not expecting it to be so simple. Him being a commander expected the cleansing to be a more tedious task, and was upset that he traveled when he could've just washed in the rivers of his country. It took his servants asking him if it would have been a difficult task if he would do it just to be cleansed for him to realize his reaction was a bit dramatic. Of course, Naaman was like, well yeah I would do the difficult task, and his servants asked him then why won't you do this simple thing? Just go wash yourself in the Jordan, it's so simple and we can be on our way, serving our king and winning battles. (emphasis is mine) We are not told the time frame from when Naaman showed up at Elisha's house to when he decided to go wash in Jordan. Can you picture the shock on his servants' faces when he was given this simple assignment and refused to do it? 

    Let's bring this back to us when we ask for forgiveness of our sins. Can you picture God's face when we don't simply come to him and ask for forgiveness? He already knows what we've done and why we've done it. We want to ask for forgiveness and hold on to it like it's a treasure or not even bring it to him. Either way, when you don't bring it to God and leave it with him you are weighing yourself down. He can't do the work in your life and you will struggle to do what He has called you to do because you won't allow the simple act of asking for forgiveness to set you free. The hardest part is humbling yourself before God, admitting that you messed up, letting it go, and moving forward. Yes, it's really that simple. We are not supposed to walk around feeling shame and guilt for weeks, months, or even years. I'm not saying we shouldn't feel those things when we mess up, because we should, but once we have asked for forgiveness we have to let it go and move on, not sit in the guilt and shame. The devil is at work when you get stuck in these feelings and, honestly, he is happy that you are there and will do whatever it takes to keep you there. Don't allow yourself to get stuck because you can't forgive yourself for what you've done. Will there be consequences? Yes. Will it be easy to let go? Maybe, but maybe not. Will you have to work daily to move forward? Most likely yes, but that's for anything you do. Don't be so hard on yourself, give it to God, and move on with life. Seek forgiveness and set things right with those you have hurt and move forward. You are loved and worthy of living a life full of blessings from your loving father. Don't be a Naaman and torture yourself for your mistakes and make your life, and the life of those around you miserable, simply go before your loving Father and ask for forgiveness. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but as soon as you accept it you will be set free. 

God hears you

 "Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8 CSB

    This past month God has opened my eyes to all the prayers that I prayed years ago and he has answered or is answering. I am thankful every morning that I wake up because I have another day to spend with my family and hopefully show others that God loves them. Still, this revelation that God has given me this month has opened my eyes to how he works and I am thankful for God's answered prayers in a new way. What I'm about to share is not me bragging about what I have or what I have done, but to show you how God works, at least in my life, and to give Him the glory he deserves. 

    Ten years ago, Nick and I celebrated 9 years of marriage, and we had a 7 and 5-year-old. We lived in a double-wide a few blocks away from where we live now. We both were sitting outside reading books on prayer and learning how to walk closer to God. We read a book by Mark Batterson titled, Circle Maker. This book initiated a conversation between us that I truly believe has led us to where we call home today. I was still in what I would call my infant phase of belief and what God is capable of doing, very innocent and naïve to how prayer works and how quickly he would answer our prayers. Mr. Batterson, wrote about walking around a property that he felt the church should purchase, but knew there was no way the church could afford it. His faith in God's ability to not only allow the church to relocate to this new property, but also afford it opened my eyes to what God was not only capable of doing, but what He was willing to do if we would only ask Him. You see, many times God wants to bless us with so much more, but we put limits on what we think He is willing to do for us, and therefore we don't ask Him. As Nick and I finished our books, we did what the author did and we walked around our house seven times for seven days and prayed that God would allow us to sell the house. We wanted out of the double-wide and into a brick home, where that home would be we weren't sure, but we didn't want to live in the trailer any longer. I'm sure our neighbors thought we were crazy, but I'm sitting here to tell you the prayer worked. It didn't happen after the seven days of walking around the house, or within the month, or even the year. As a matter of fact, so much time passed that I nearly forgot about the summer we walked around our house praying for God to provide us a house that we would be proud of, that would allow us to bless others, and invite people over for fellowship. A house that we could call home and our kids would have friends over and there would be plenty of room for everyone. As the years went by I just assumed that we weren't going to move out of the house and focused on being happy with what God had blessed us with, which was a small home that allowed me to be close to my kids, protection from the weather and many other provisions that we tend to take for granted in America. The walk around our house, some days with kids following us, and other days just the two of us was a simple way to show our faith in God. Three years ago that prayer was answered. God heard our prayers and gave us a beautiful century-year-old home on about two acres in the middle of our little town. We had no clue at the time what we wanted or where it would be, but we did know that we wanted it to be from God and allow us to bless others. God blessed us abundantly with this new home. It wasn't in the time frame we wanted, and yes, there were times I didn't understand why He didn't answer our prayers immediately, but looking back I can see His hands at work in our lives. There is another story about us buying this home, but that is for another time. 

    If you will sit with me for a little longer, I would like to share one more account of God hearing and answering our prayers. As I was finishing my teaching certification, I desperately wanted to work for Whitehouse ISD, but being straight out of college, and not growing up in this area the odds were stacked against me. I was fortunate enough to complete my student teaching at two schools in Whitehouse and was praying that a position would open up for me to work in this district. As my time as a student teacher came to an end and I interviewed for a position it became clear that I would not be hired by them, and would need to apply elsewhere. God opened doors for me as only he can and I was hired at Gladewater. As the years passed when there was an opening at Whitehouse I would apply and was interviewed but I always came up short. Over time, with each rejection, I believed that I was never going to be hired to work in Whitehouse, so I stopped applying for the positions posted and I accepted that I was where God meant for me to be. I allowed myself to believe that I just wasn't good enough and would never be the caliber of teacher Whitehouse hired, and accepted the lies the devil told me. Then out of the blue, a position opened up last year in Whitehouse and Nick told me I should apply. At first, I laughed at him, one because I wasn't looking for a job, I was content with my current position, and two, I believed that I wasn't good enough to work for Whitehouse. The repeated rejection over the years from the school was enough to keep me from even being interested enough in applying for the job, but after prayer and encouragement from Nick, I decided to see if this was God opening a door for me. As I sat in the interview I knew no matter the outcome I was good enough to work at Whitehouse. God was definitely at work in this situation and became evident when I knew I had the job within 5 minutes of the interview being over!  Most of the time after an interview you have to wait a day up to a week to know if the school was going to offer you the job. After 11 years of teaching, and the uncertainty of if I should even be a teacher, God opened the door for me to work at Whitehouse. Another prayer that was prayed years ago was answered.

    This summer I have been reminded of those prayers and many more that I prayed 7 or more years ago that God has recently answered. It is now, that he has opened my eyes, that I can see he heard my prayers but didn't answer them with an immediate yes because I wasn't ready. I needed to have the experiences that those years of waiting and not getting what I prayed for brought me. You see, God hears our prayers: I asked and received. I sought and was given what I prayed for. I knocked and the door was opened. True, none of this happened on my timeline, or how I wanted it to happen, but God made a way and blessed me in the process. I am better because of the waiting and more thankful for what He has blessed me with because it did not happen the way I wanted it to. God's ways are so much better than ours. Trust in his timing and accept that where you are, no matter what you are going through is where he wants you.