Oh FORTY

 “Do not rejoice over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will stand up; though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” Micah 7:8

40... It’s just a number yet it has some sort of hold on me. It’s scary and exciting. It is knocking at my door, and I’m not quite sure how I want to greet it when I open the door to enter a new decade of my life. Over the past year, I have moved the curtains ever so slightly to peek out the window as others opened the door to 40 to see how 40 greeted them and vice versa. Some greeted 40 with open arms, some solemnly, and others treated 40 as if it were nothing. 40 seems to be a big deal for me, and within this past week, my perspective has changed. 

For many years I looked at 40 and thought, “Life is halfway over when you reach 40, how sad.” As the months dwindled down to weeks, I began going through the ups and downs of being close to 40 and thinking about my life. I looked at my life as a walk through the wilderness, and wondered why my life went the way it did, and just like the Israelites had to wander the wilderness for forty years before they could enter the promised land; I finally realized I had to walk through, okay honestly, sometimes it was waller and crawl through, some tough times to reach where I’m at now. I’m not walking in the promised land, but I’m certainly not in the valley of darkness anymore either. I am entering a new decade of life with a new perspective and a renewed hope that I haven’t had in quite some time. 

My life hasn’t been easy, but the older I get I realize no one escapes this life without some tough times. Some people are blessed with scenic views and rainbows and have very few tough times while others seem to have sharp turns, bridges, potholes, and dead ends. I’ve definitely had more of the bumpy roads with sharp turns and dead ends than scenic views. The enemy has tried to knock me down over and over, but I keep getting up. Instead of looking back on the past forty years and saying how sad, I’m looking back and counting my blessings. I can clearly see where God blessed, guided, loved, and protected me.  If I could write a letter to my younger self I would tell myself to relax, have fun, laugh more, stop trying to make everyone happy, and take care of yourself, but most importantly grow your relationship with Jesus. As I count down the days to turning the big 4-0, I am counting my blessings and I’m amazed at where I came from and where I am now. Without the loving hands of God there is no way I would be where I am now, nor would I be the person I am today. I am rich, not because of the material things that God has blessed me with, but because I have a loving husband, kids, family, friends, and good health. 

Physically, I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I’m working on it. Mentally, I am much better off than I was, but I still have work to do. Spiritually, I am moving forward in my walk with the Lord, but still have a ways to go. Overall, I would say 40 is looking better and better. Am I still nervous about what this new decade holds? Yes, because I know there will still be trials and rough roads ahead, but I know who holds my future, so I’m at peace. When the day comes for me to answer the knock at the door to allow 40 to come in I will greet it with a spark in my eye, a smile on my face, and a fire in my soul to live life on purpose; making every moment intentional because from a very young age I was taught tomorrow is not guaranteed. Here’s to 40! Let’s do this!