This life

This life

Today, just like every day, I have a choice to make. Today, I choose to be bold and courageous. I choose to stand out in a crowd, to be different, odd, and my favorite, WEIRD. Today’s choices create my life, the memories I will look back on and smile at or shake my head. This life, the one I’m living in today; because of the grace of God, hasn’t been what I had planned.

My dreams, my goals, my life with the fairy tale theme, you know the one all girls have when they are teenagers, hasn’t happened. Funny how life happens. Don’t get me wrong, some of my dreams and goals have come true and have been accomplished but they didn’t go down the path I thought they would. The road that lead me to the victories was not the one I dreamed of. I was sure life would be easier as an adult, and everything would be sparkly and shiny and happy…lol…I think you get the picture.

Have you noticed all the I’s and my’s? My life, is a gift and I need to remember this daily. The day I decided to follow Jesus is the day that the I/my should’ve changed to his/him. It didn’t happen quickly, but it has started happening. I’m not good at letting my life be a life directed by God for him and his glory. I realize now that letting go of my plans, my dreams and realizing what His dreams/plans are, is the only way I can live for him. I had a pretty good life planned out, I was chasing those things and checking them off my list one by one. My plan and God’s plan didn’t exactly match up, some of it did, and some of it didn’t. We all know God’s plan is far greater than we can imagine, but letting go and trusting him completely with MY life is a lot easier said than done.

As I let the decisions I’ve made through prayer and conviction sink in, I’ve shed a few tears and had my doubts. Just when I think how silly I am for following God, someone steps in and sends an encouraging text. I will share what I’m doing with someone and instead of shame I get shock and acceptance. I keep expecting people to tell me how dumb my decision was or at least how silly it was, but instead I get I’m happy for you and let me know when you publish a book, I want to read it. I also hear, tell me when you speak because I want to hear you. All uplifting to me, and I’m so thankful to God for those people who lift me up instead of knocking me down. No matter what is in front of me He will always be with me and in control.

          This life, when I pick up my cross (t), becomes his life, one lived for him. To Him be the Glory! Here's to a life focused on carrying my cross so His light can shine in this dark world. Will you pick up your t and let this life become a life for his glory? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24         

You're Religious

Not too long ago I was called religious. I was taken back and wasn’t sure it was a compliment or an insult. Later that day, I told my husband I was called religious, he laughed and said, “You are”. I then went on to explain why I wasn’t sure I wanted to be called religious. When I think religious, I think of a building, traditions, and people going through the motions and people who are fake. I’m thinking Pharisees. Everything on the outside is shiny and clean but not the inside. “They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” (2 Timothy 3:5 NLT) In my eyes, being religious is fake and by fake I mean this: you do one thing during the week and one maybe two days out of the week you act as if you weren’t doing those things. Hear me on this, we all do things during the week that we feel bad about, but in order to be forgiven we have to admit our wrongs. If you go throughout your day, week, or life and you don’t ask to be forgiven for your mistakes (sins) then you are missing a wonderful gift called grace.  

I hope I do not come off as this way. I do my best to be me all the time and show my stains, scars and the areas God has gracefully cleaned up. So please don’t call me religious, I prefer to be called a Christ follower, a Christian.  Someone who is actively and wholeheartedly following Jesus Christ. This person doesn’t see the building as the only “church” and takes Jesus with him/her throughout the week, and listens to what God is saying to him/her. I would much rather be known as a crazy, off the wall, peculiar person than a religious person. So, thank you for trying to set me apart by calling me religious, but please be cautious when using this word, it stings my soul. To call someone religious seems harsh and cold, but you call them a Christ follower and it changes to warm and welcoming.

When following Christ, you can see his light in that person. Their deeds are done bringing glory and honor to God, yet without seeking glory for themselves. A religious person is more apt to do a good deed seeking glory for themselves, again think Pharisees. The next time you think about calling someone religious, think, are they religious or following Christ? Before I started truly following Christ I didn't think there was a difference, but the difference is there…it’s the same difference between the Old and New Testament of the Bible. One has Jesus and one doesn’t. It’s all about a relationship with Jesus Christ. What are you doing to grow your relationship with him? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24         

Best of both worlds

    I enjoy reading books that make me ask questions and think. The summer of 2013, I posted about a book written by Jennie Allen titled, “Anything”, and that book still has me thinking and asking questions. I know, it’s surprising my memory goes that far back. As I was reviewing some of the questions I wrote down from that book, a couple of them spoke to my heart and they are: Couldn’t I have both? More of God and the life I wanted? If you’ve read my post Convicted, then you know I am looking down the barrel at these questions. This is what I’m facing right now. What did I do? I prayed and read the Bible and listened to what God was telling me. I started writing and wanted to share with you what I wrote.
     Can Christians have the best of both worlds, earthly and spiritual? Can we remain faithful to our Heavenly Father and have the best of this world? Can faithful Christians be rich, by America’s standards? Can faithful Christians be poor, again, by America’s standards? YES X 4!
    These questions are touchy and will bring a great debate among Christians and non-Christians alike. God will bless those who are faithful. The amount and type of blessing will differ family to family, and person to person. I think the deeper root to this is, are you willing to give up the best of this world, material things, to have the best treasures stored up in Heaven?
     I pose this question because as a whole, Christians tend to look at this question and shrug it off because we are doing “good enough” in our walk. Is “good enough” okay? We are raising a generation of children, who will one day run this country, to believe that good enough is okay. Everyone is great and a winner and there are no losers in life. This shows in their motivation (lack of), their performances, and just day to day living. It starts with us, the adults, we need to change this. This starts with our walks as Christians. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of “good enough”. I’m tired of being a “good enough” Christian. I have yet to find a place in the Bible where it says, just be good enough. No, walking into Heaven with no marks is not what I want. By golly, I want to round third base full speed, slide head first with arms stretched out, dust flyin’ in the air, reaching for home plate, givin’ it my all! Not to hear, “Good job my good and faithful servant”, but to humbly say I gave my all for you, God.
    Which leads me back to my question, if convicted to or asked by God, would you give up your idea of the best of this world for God? Would you stop working towards your goals and start doing what He has called you to do? “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-26) What’s your cross? What’s your anything? Could you, would you walk away from doing “good enough” to do what God created you to do? Are you working for one more dollar or are you working for the Lord, God Almighty? Are you willing to give up your wants and allow God to meet your needs? “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into this world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.” (1 Timothy 6:6-7)
    Before you speculate, or criticize me for judging, let me share with you that this is not my intentions. My purpose is to make you think, are you allowing more of God and less of you in your life. It’s between you and God, not me and you and God. Your walk is YOUR walk, I pray I encourage you in your walk with God. My walk, as it should be, is a learning process. I’m not perfect, nor claim to be. I am giving up my goals to allow God to use me for his purpose. It’s not easy letting go of who I thought I was or what I thought I was supposed to do. I want the things of this world just like everybody else, but at this time I have to let go of that and focus on what my calling is. Taking up the cross and allowing God to have complete control isn’t easy. Writing this post and all the others hasn’t been easy. Slowly, and painfully at times, I am letting go of the me I thought I was supposed to be so I can become who I was created to be.  Can you have the best of both worlds? Yes, but make sure it’s because you are doing what God has called you to do and not just chasing the American dream. Enough thinking, writing and sharing and as always: Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you” Numbers 6:24

Suicide

     This writing business has been hard because when I feel called to share something I know that I must share it or feel horrible until I finally cave in and share. I will warn you this post will be lengthy but please read it...
      I’m not going to throw statistics at you about suicide because you have heard them and they don’t seem to affect us like the researchers think they will. We tend to think no one that I know would possibly consider that, or people who commit suicide show signs of not being happy. I can assure you both assumptions are wrong. When you hear the “S” word you probably cringe and feel sorrow for the person who took their life, their family and friends. What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to you and others may not be shocked at all. I want to share with you a portion of my past….

                I have struggled and fought with thoughts of suicide. When I hear that someone took their own life, I don’t have your typical response. Instead of asking why or how, I usually say it’s not as far-fetched as you think. I’ve received crazy looks for that comment. I don’t agree with suicide but since I’ve struggled with it I’m not as taken back as others when I hear of someone taking their life. Suicide is a weapon that the devil likes to use. It’s really effective and does the trick, which is to keep you from being an effective member of God’s kingdom. It’s not hard to start believing the fiery darts called lies that the devil throws at you. It takes a long time for negative words to fade. I’ve heard that it takes 100 compliments to replace 1 insult. To help you wrap your mind around this, think of someone who is constantly being put down or is in a bad environment, where negative words are thrown around constantly. It could take a lifetime of kind words before the person starts truly believing it. This person is an easy target for the devil. He will use this to keep them down. He has one job and that is to deceive you, so you can’t be an effective follower of Christ.

                Suicide is so prevalent in our country and sadly I predict we will see a rise because we are so engrossed in technology that we don’t take the time to have a face to face conversation with another human who can show emotion and give a hug when needed. Up to this point I’ve been avoiding sharing my battle with thoughts of suicide. Please, don’t feel sorry for me, I’m good now…just use this to help you or someone close to you. I hope it will change your idea of the person who considers suicide as an answer…

Before I begin: I never attempted suicide but the thoughts were there.

I was in a very dark place as a teenager in high school growing up in a step family situation. I was depressed and didn’t feel loved. I remember thinking how everyone’s life would be better if I was gone. I would get caught up in my thoughts and think how good life would be for my mom, brother and everyone else around me if I wasn’t around. I was too scared to take my own life, partially because I was told the cardinal sin is suicide, and hell is where a person would spend eternity for taking their own life. (I have a different view now that I’m grown) I remember thinking if I just went full speed ahead into a tree or forest that should do it and my life would be over. It sounds silly, but I didn’t want to use a gun and from what I'd heard pills didn't work. I also wanted it to look like an accident, that way no one would realize it was suicide. Time and time again I would have these thoughts, but slowly, and I mean slowly they have faded to a memory of a time when I was in a dark pit. These thoughts still had a grip on my life in the early years of my marriage. God was there though, and he didn’t give up on me.

When I hear people say how could they do that or they are so selfish, it hurts. I agree, suicide is a selfish act but not everyone is focused on themselves when they take their own life. Suicide is not easy to understand and should be looked at as spiritual war fare. I would like to remind or point out to you that the devil tempted Jesus, son of God, with suicide. “Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ‘If you are the Son of God,’ he said, ‘throw yourself down.” (Matthew 4:5-6) The devil waited until Jesus was tired and hungry and then started his attack. The same goes for us, and especially those considering suicide. The devil waits until you are beat down with life and throws the darts at you. You are a much easier target when you are beat down. If the devil tempted Jesus with suicide then he will most certainly use it against us. Yes, even Christians, who better to attack than those who claim to believe in God?

If you are tempted with suicidal thoughts, talk to a trusted friend or family member, read your Bible, have others pray for you, and if you can pray for yourself. Pray that God would bind Satan from these attacks. No matter the line you have been fed, the devil is lying to you. You are loved, you are precious, and worthy in God’s sight. Please reach out to someone, if you feel you have no one, I’m here, message me or call and we can talk. I pray this helps someone. To those who don’t understand suicide, trust me when I say neither does the person who is thinking it or has committed it.  Why, because it is not truly them who wants this, it is the devil. Spiritual warfare is real, and the rules are completely different than those we are used to in this world. You have to prepare for it and dress in your armor. Read Ephesians 6: 10-17 and do what it says, daily.

My friends, you are loved, you are more precious than gold! Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

Convicted

Writing is my passion. Writing is my way of expressing myself. Writing clears my mind and frees me. Writing is my voice. Writing is what I’m supposed to do. This is how I’ve always felt but wasn’t confident enough to say so and certainly not the way I thought I would spend my time.

Have you ever felt convicted? I mean stake through the heart, sweaty palms, nailed to the pew convicted? I always thought when God convicted someone, they would feel ashamed and guilty. My assumption was wrong. The day I was convicted I didn’t feel ashamed or guilty but I did feel redirected.  I’m sitting here trying to think of how to explain how I felt that day, but it isn’t easy to do. The day I was convicted, was a normal Sunday morning. I walked my kids to the kids department and then walked into my Sunday school class. I had a conversation with a lady in Sunday school and the words she spoke was laced with wisdom. The words were so clear and jumped out at me. I didn’t give this too much thought and headed into our sanctuary. The songs were great, and really spoke to my heart. Then our pastor took the stage and within five minutes I knew I wouldn’t be forgetting this sermon anytime soon. The room became warm, my palms started sweating and I just knew Pastor was staring me down. It didn’t take too much longer and I wrote on my notepad, I need to quit and showed it to my husband. I was so scared he was going to say no, but his reply was, how soon. I told him as soon as possible. I sat in my pew, listening to the sermon while a stake was being driven into my heart. The sermon finally ended and my husband and I knelt at the altar and prayed. At lunch my nine year old son asked me, “If I ever thought about being a writer?” I told him, “yes, but not all writers can make enough money to support their families.” His response was, “I can do all things through Christ.” Not only did I shut my mouth, but I started to cry and knew I needed to do something quickly.

That night I nervously wrote my resignation letter and sent it to my principal. I couldn’t believe I was four weeks in and was resigning. I was nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. I knew exactly what God wanted me to do and I was finally being bold enough to listen and do just that. As the weeks have passed I realize what I am giving up. I realize how off the wall it must seem to others and how much this action is frowned upon by the secular world. God convicted me that Sunday to write for him. As this sinks in, I realize that being convicted has nothing to do with feeling guilty or being ashamed of not doing what you know you are called to do, but simply a redirection. I have not felt ashamed, but instead through prayer have felt the courage to be bold and share what I am doing. I have not felt guilty for leaving before the school year ends, but instead empowered to live a life devoted to God’s calling on my life.

Am I scared? Yes! Am I nervous? Yes! Am I aware of the negative impacts this could have on me and my family? Yes! BUT……..

What if I didn’t listen? What if I chose to keep living life my way? What if God’s blessing is just around the corner and I didn’t obey? What if I let my fear win? What would I miss out on?

Friends, our lives are too short to not obey the one who created us. I can’t fathom where I would be if it weren’t for a God who saves. I do not want to live my life for myself and gain the treasures on this earth, and die and realize I have no treasure stored up for me in heaven. Who will you live for today? Until next time, “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)