God Knows

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:7-13

Have you ever thought, why does this have to happen to me? I'm sure you have and I bet you have even dealt with disappointment. I have been dealt a great bit of disappointment in my life and the latest was just a couple of weeks ago. Before I dive into that disappointment let me set it up with an event that happened 10 months ago. February was suppose to be a neat month for me, because I was going to attend our church's revival. It would be my first revival but I was also going to help in the kitchen, since I was now on the kitchen committee. My husband and I were looking forward to it, but that didn't happen.
    My step dad was sick with cancer and the week before the revival was to start he was put in the hospital then sent home with hospice. My husband and I, with our kids went down to visit my step dad for what we were told could possibly be the last time. Our visit was good, but sad. The man lying in the hospital bed didn't even resemble the man I knew to be my step dad. We left Sunday morning to get the kids back and ready for school, but more importantly because our church's revival started that night.  I couldn't wait to get back and go but was almost certain my step dad was going to die soon. I didn't want to leave my mom and cried myself to sleep on our two hour drive home. We made it home just in time to straighten the house up and head up to the church. In the middle of the sermon that night my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was my cousin so I ignored it and listened to the pastor who was giving the sermon on the mount from memory. My phone buzzed again and this time something told me to answer the phone. I walked quickly out of the sanctuary and answered the phone. My cousin, crying said, "Kim, your mom told me to call. DA just passed away."  I hung up the phone and stepped outside, my husband was by my side in just a few minutes. After the service was over we made plans for our kids to stay with family and we left the next morning.  The week was long, but I spent a lot of quality time with my mom. When we returned home the following Friday I was excited to be home, but sad to leave my mom. I stopped by to thank our pastor for driving the two hours to attend the funeral. I told him I was disappointed we missed the revival. His reply has stuck with me and I think it always will. He said, "Kim, no need to worry about that. God knew you weren't going to be at this revival. You were where you were suppose to be."
    Those exact words came to my mind two weeks ago when my mom handed me a fist full of disappointment. She was suppose to attend our church's Christmas program. I was very excited because the music that the adult choir was singing touched my heart. My whole family had some part in the program and I couldn't wait for her to hear it. I prayed that the music would touch her heart like it touched mine. My heart broke the afternoon of the program when I was told that she couldn't make it. My prayer for her to be touched by the  music wouldn't be answered. The Christmas program was beautiful, just like I knew it would be. It was a moving night and the house was full. I went home and prayed for my heart to forgive and heal...quickly because I would see her the next day. I went to work the next morning and as I was praying for my heart to not be cold towards her,  my pastor's words came back to me. God answered my prayer and reminded me that He knew she wouldn't be there. I remembered then that God was in control and although disappointment hurts God knows long before I do what is going to happen. That afternoon when she arrived to go to my son's Christmas program  at school I was excited to see her. My heart had truly forgiven her, and I was able to enjoy her company. As the year comes to an end and you stumble across those days of disappointment the year has brought you, remember God knows what is going to happen. He knew before you did and the truth is I wouldn't want it any other way. You can't escape His presence and although we can't see what our future holds, He knows...He's been there. "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8  Until next time may God Bless you and Keep you.
*Bible verses from NIV Bible