Looking Back

For the past month I have been trying my best to count my blessings. At times it comes easily to see the blessings before me, but there are times that I am overcome by the sorrow of losing my brother and can't seem to find the light. Finally, in the last week, I have been able to look back over the past year and was finally able to recall my blessings. This past year was filled with ups and downs. I'm going to give you a run down of my year. 

The year started off with Nick and I making a decision to not put our house on the market after praying for a month because we really wanted out of the house. Then out of the blue a house that Nick wanted to live in since he was little went on the market. We knew the realtor so I just asked if we could look at the house with no real intention of buying the house. We loved the house but didn't think we could afford it. By February we were in the process of buying the house and we moved in over spring break in March. The whole house buying experience was all God. The first three months of last year was nothing but blessings. The blessings continued to pour out and life was wonderful. My daughter tried out and made the majorette line at her school and my son graduated from 8th grade. My momma heart was full and I was ready to take on new challenges. 

I enjoyed the summer with my family and adjusting to living in our new home. Then just as I was starting up my new coaching position my brother died. I seemed to fall into a dark, endless pit. I had to keep going and I just didn't want to. My birthday came a month later and I really don't remember much of it between coaching and my grieving, but what I can tell you is God allowed me to see another year. My volleyball team kept me going. They cried with me, laughed with me, and worked hard to be a true team. They were a blessing to me. 

The last four months of the year was my valley. I am not sure how I made it through to this point. I honestly don't remember much other than feeling sad with moments of hope sprinkled throughout that time. I had some help from friends and family, but also being aware of my mental health allowed me to cling to the hope that I have in the Lord. 

2019 was a year that started with a high and ended with a low. As I am starting to come out of the pit and see the light I am determined to move forward in 2020. I can't wait to see what this year holds, as I know there will be more ups and downs, as that is life, but I have several goals/dreams to go after and plan to accomplish in the new year. Blessings to you and your family! Here's to the end of a chapter, a year, a decade, and to the start of a new chapter, a year and decade. Dream big! Hold tight to God and His promises, say I love you those you cherish, and remember to live with no regrets. 

JMW

Joel Mark Whitmire

   You were named after our dad, Mark, and his dad, our grandpa, Joel. 
   You were special in so many ways, yet you never saw that and succumbed to the thoughts in your head allowing a powerful addiction to overtake you.
   Your already weak body, due to diabetes, could only handle so much and I'm afraid by the time you took back the power your body was too tarnished to deal with the ailments of having an auto immune disorder. 
   My heart hurts daily because you're gone, but I will no longer let the pain rule me. I have a new drive now, a new focus, and a new story to tell. A reason to share my hurt and praying it helps others.
   We grew up under the same roof, with almost the same rules, and we both wanted to escape.  You were introduced to something that would help numb the hurt and it took you prisoner, while I took my escape by leaving home, going to college, getting married, and starting a family. We both were numbing the hurt but in different ways. I never understood why you went that route and I never will, but your life is a story to be told. You had so much potential, you were smart..gifted and talented. I remember as a kindergartner you learned multiplication facts faster than me just by listening to me trying to memorize them. Many more ups and downs came and by the time we were in high school I was so frustrated with how easily you learned new information and how much I struggled, but yet I was still able to make good grades. I always had to work harder than you in everything. You, my brother, were both athletic, smart and charming with the biggest heart that you didn't want anyone to know about. Like me, you were afraid to show how much you cared. 
     As you celebrate your first Christmas in heaven, I'm reflecting on the Christmases we had as children and our last Christmas together which I won't ever forget. You looked good, but you had suffered another stroke and wasn't able to move or talk the way you wanted and it frustrated you. Drugs, I despise you for what you did to my brother. I despise you for ruining his life and leaving mine with a void. Joel Mark Whitmire, your life is a story worth telling and sharing and prayerfully will lead others to God and keep them from numbing the hurt the way you did.  Merry Christmas in Heaven, Bubba. I love you! 

God's Timing

I wish I could remember exactly how long ago it was that Nick and I read the book, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  If I were to take a guess, I would say it was about 7 years ago, because I remember the kids being little. The book is based on Jericho and circling your dreams. At the time we wanted to sell our house, we desperately wanted to move to a nice brick home with land or a pool or by the lake, honestly; we didn’t care too much, we just wanted out of the one we were in. As we read the book, we decided to circle our house. Just as God told Joshua to do at Jericho, we did at our house. Each day for a week, we walked around our house and prayed. The first day we walked around it once, the second day twice, and so on and so on. Some days we prayed out loud and others we prayed silently. I’m sure we looked like crazy folks to our neighbors and the kids were small so they joined in for part of the march and played in the back yard when they were tired of walking.
After the week of circling our house we put our house on the market. Not a single person wanted to look at our house. The timing just wasn’t right, and so feeling defeated and like God didn’t answer our prayer we took the house off the market. A couple of years went by and we got the itch to move again, so we put the house back on the market and started dreaming of the house we would make our home. This time, we did have people look at the house, but no offers came, and once again we took the house off the market. We felt as if we would never get out of that house. There were times I cried because I couldn’t stand the house we were in. As time went by, God started showing me how privileged I was to have a house, running water, clothes, food to eat, two cars, and I was richer than majority of the world, so I really needed to stop complaining.
I grew to appreciate my house. I was making wonderful memories with Nick and the kids and the house was just that...a house. It was just a thing, an item that we owned by the grace of God and one that allowed us to take care of our family the way we needed to without wondering how we were going to make it, although there were times when that thought did cross our minds. Fast forward to this past summer, 2018 and that itch of wanting a new house came back. Instead of rushing into selling our house, we prayed about it and decided to wait. Around November we were discussing putting the house back on the market in the spring and decided to pray. Over Christmas break after much prayer and discussion, we decided that the timing wasn’t right and we would wait another year before putting the house on the market. It would allow us to get rid of some debt and to pay the house down more so we could ask for an amount that seemed fair for our house.
God must have been laughing, because this is not what happened. I will give you a brief version of how God has been working in our lives over the past three months. A beautiful old house that Nick always wanted to buy came up for sale. We knew the realtor so I sent her a message and asked if we could see the house. She showed us the house the next day and told us there were offers coming in and if we wanted it we needed to let her know soon. We fell in love with the house but knew it wasn’t feasible because of the down payment. We prayed about it and let her know it wouldn’t work out. The next morning as I was getting ready for church I felt like we were supposed to put an offer on the house, but wasn’t 100% sure if it was just my emotions or God. I told Nick and we didn’t really talk about it much. Later that day Nick got a phone call urging him to put the offer on the house and not to worry about money. Which is crazy, because we are both school teachers and have no real way of making extra money without getting a second job. That night we decided to make an offer. Three days later our offer was accepted. We couldn’t believe that they accepted our offer. We didn’t know what we would do with our house and decided to pray about it. We went back and forth as to whether we should rent or put it back on the market, after all; we know the luck we’ve had with selling it. A little over a month later we closed on our new house and moved over spring break. We decided to put our old house on the market and see what would happen. We talked to the realtor and she agreed that we could have a short term contract so we wouldn’t have to make months of double house notes.
God is good! The house was on the market a few days and we had someone look at it. Then a week and another person, and shortly after that another person. Then an offer came and as Nick and I talked it over we couldn’t believe how quickly things were moving. We accepted the offer and about six weeks after putting our house on the market we signed the contract that officially said the house was no longer ours. I’m still in shock at how God works. There is so much more about this story, and where we live, and what is now our forever home. Even though I thought God wasn’t answering our prayer to get a new house, he was. He heard my prayers and saw my tears, but what he wanted from us was to appreciate what we had. We had to learn to be content with what we were given before we could appreciate this wonderful gift we have now.
If it seems God isn’t answering your prayer right when you asked, please know he is listening and he’s working. God doesn’t sit still and he’s going to work things out and they will be so much more, so much better than you ever dreamed of. Keep trusting in Him! Dream big, be bold, be still and let God do the work. God loves you and he hears you! Until next time: “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

One Word: 2019

A glimpse of the past four years and my one word. In 2015 my word was trust and I learned to trust God more as mine and Nick’s lives were roller coasters that year. We both were in amazing projects that we thought would last longer than what they did, but in the midst of not understanding the why we trusted God. In 2016 my word was different and I lived differently in order to make a difference. This was the year that I went on my first mission trip and fell in love with missions. I grew a lot in my faith and as a person in 2016. In 2017 my word was bold and this year I struggled emotionally and physically. I became bold in speaking the truth about how I was feeling and sharing even my struggles with others. Being bold doesn’t always mean that we have to do something daring, but it does mean that we do something out of our comfort zone.  
Which brings me to 2018 and as much as I would like to just focus on 2019 I have to let go of the past so I can move forward. I would like to say that 2018 was a great year, but it was an average year. There was not a big event that drastically changed me, but instead it was the little things that opened my eyes to the changes that I need to make for 2019. So my year of focusing on others turned out to be a year of focusing more on my family and not others around the world as I thought and hoped it would be. My hopes of going on more mission trips was slashed every time I prayed about going on one God said no and with a broken heart I accepted his no. I wanted to be about others, but what God was telling me was the others he wanted me to focus on was my family. As my focus shifted from my view of others to what God wanted me to focus on my heart healed and I purposely spent time with my husband, my son and my daughter. As 2018 was in its final months, I published a book and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for 2019 concerning the book.
My word for 2019 is still as in be still. I honestly am not happy with this word. I want to do more than be still. I want to take on the world and make a difference for the kingdom. As I prayed for my word, and prayed some more because I wanted to be sure that still was really the word God was giving me, God revealed to me why he wanted me to be still. The first thing God showed me was this year is going to be full of changes. There have already been some changes that I am adjusting to concerning my grandpa and the other change is my son will be joining me Arp JH. As the year progresses I will have a freshman and a 7th grader and my already busy life will become even busier. I am excited to see those changes and praying for my children as we all know these years are not the easiest to get through. He not only wanted me to realize that but God also showed me how much I have been trying to control situations in my life instead of just being still and letting God work things out for me. He wants me to be still and allow Him to work in my life in all areas instead of me trying to force things to happen, for example my book interview that is coming in February. I’m not sure that I want to be still for a whole year, but I am sure that I want God in every situation that I face throughout the year, so if that means being still then I shall be still.
2019 will be a year of being still and not moving until God gives me the go ahead. A year that as I face many changes I will focus on The Word and allow Him to work. I wearily welcome the new year because of the fear of change, but I am blessed to live to see another year and I am excited to see how God works and teaches me to be still. We all know the verse, “the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still”. (Exodus 14:14 NIV), but I like the New Living Translation version : ”The Lord himself will fight for you.Just stay calm.” He wants me to stay calm as I face these changes and allow him to do the work. He has revealed three more verses to me and those are as follows:

Psalm 37:7 - Be still in the presence of the Lord,and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 62:5 - Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.

Job 6:24 - Teach me, and I will keep quiet. Show me what I have done wrong.

I believe that as we focus on God’s word more we see the wrongs that we have done and those wrongs that we do and we are more likely to change when we spend time in God’s word. As I spend time with God and wait for Him to work things out for me I pray that my heart will change and I will continue to grow spiritually. I want to trust God so that I can be different while being bold to make a difference for others all while being still. May God bless you in 2019! As always thanks for reading.

I want to share this song with you as I found it while praying about my word.

HillSong United: Be Still

https://youtu.be/H7pJb49vVQY