Reach Out

       Time for some honesty. The kind of honesty I really don't like to share. Why? It allows people to judge me even more than they already do, but God has shown me time and time again that others benefit when we are open with our lives. So, here goes nothing.
       I have been struggling these past four months, like really struggling. Depression seems to be lurking and waiting to pull me in to the depths of darkness that one can hardly get out of. The past four months have been great, yet difficult for me. I have missed church more in the last four months than I have in the last four years, if not it's really close. I can't stand to miss church and start to worry about what others think of me because I have missed. I have missed because of my ankle, my daughter being sick, then I was sick. It has been constant, and nothing seems to be letting up. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else, but often times my bad days turn to worse days. My thoughts get darker and darker and the urge to crawl into bed and stay there becomes stronger and stronger. So what do I do when this happens?
     I do not allow myself to go to bed until it's truly bedtime. I force myself to stay out of my room so the temptation is not there. I force myself to interact with my family and call my best friend. Then I add a new routine or two to my life or start doing them again. The first thing I started doing again was starting my day off with scripture. I started a daily Bible reading plan on my phone, that way I start the day with the Lord and it keeps my mind on Him. The second thing I started doing again was taking some time on my conference to read a short devotional and pray. This allows me to reconnect with the Lord and keeps my thoughts from roaming into the darkness. These two things help me to stay focused on God. I am better than I used to be about detecting the darkness creeping in, so now I will call out to Jesus and speak truth. Some days I catch it right when it starts other days I get stuck in the trap of self loathing and it takes some serious praying. If I get to the point that I can't pull myself out I ask friends to pray for me. I will send a short text saying that I need prayer, and within minutes I have people praying for me. At some point during the day I notice my mood has shifted and my thoughts are back to where they should be.
       My life, like yours, is extremely busy right now. The fall has always been a busy time for my family and as my kids get older it seems to be busier. I'm not a busy schedule type of person, I can only handle so much before I need to go into hiding...people...too many, too much interaction and my happy go lucky self fades. I need time to myself, time to rejuvenate, and when I don't make it to church on Wednesday and on Sunday it becomes harder to keep running the course God has set before me.
       Why share this? Why take a few minutes of my time to share this now when I'm honestly still fighting to get out of the grasp of depression? My hope is that this will help someone out there who is struggling with the same thing to not give in, to reach out and to put God into your routine so you can get out of the grasp of darkness. I realize it's not always as easy as I just made it sound, trust me I've been there and I don't want to go back. No one who has depression wants to go back, but if you keep it a secret the darkness will devour you, it has something over you. Share your struggle with a few trusted friends, ask them to pray for you, make yourself sit down and read the Bible and pray for others. My greatest joy is helping and praying for others, let it be yours too.
       The holidays aren't always merry and bright for everyone around you. Remember that, and pray for those who don't seem excited about the holiday season. If this doesn't pertain to you, I hope it will show you how to help someone who struggles with depression. Reach out,not in, God will take your hand and place someone else in your life to take the other to help you fight the battle against darkness. If you have not read Sheila Walsh's new book, In the Middle of the Mess, I encourage you to read it; especially if you struggle with depression.Thanks for reading...have a blessed Thanksgiving!