Vicious Cycle

Have you ever felt God calling you out of your comfort zone? I have and although I’m usually hesitant at first I follow what God is calling me to do. My recent experience is within this school year and is continuing today, but I’ve messed up with part of it. I feel like I should share a lesson I’ve learned thus far. To keep other people’s lives private I’m not going to share the “full” version of my lesson.

    God put a particular person on my heart and made it to where I crossed paths with this person daily, sometimes several times a day. I began to pray and things were good, but almost as quickly as this daily encounter began things soured. I would pray and pray and it didn’t seem to help. I didn’t and still do not understand why this person was put on my heart. As I struggled and wondered what I did wrong my husband got to hear EVERY single detail, emotion, and thought I had. Some days were good and I would think God heard me then BOOM several bad days in a row. I was in a vicious cycle, one that had me spinning in circles that left me emotionally drained, physically tired and spiritually unsure. About a week ago, God used my husband to break my will power. I had been fighting back tears for a while, not the little cry, but the big, fat tears that lead to the ugly cry. (Ladies, you know what I mean.) Nick didn’t use harsh words, he sat as we ate breakfast patiently listening to me spin the situation and my thoughts, then gave his opinion and advice. Bring on the tears….I was upset with what he said but in all honesty I was more upset with what he made me realize.

    In between sobs the truth that set me free from the vicious cycle rose from the depths of my heart. I, I’m mad at God I sputtered and in the silence my hurt dissolved into peace as the rest of that truth rushed to be set free...I continued: “I’m mad at God because I stepped out of my comfort zone and did what He asked me to do, and I got hurt...because things didn’t go how I thought they would.” As the tears poured down my face, my heart and soul were being cleaned.As I accepted that statement as the true problem to this unrelenting cycle I was in, I asked God to forgive me. Before I could finish asking for forgiveness I felt His peace wash over me.

    Now that I’ve had time to reflect on the whole situation it falls back to me trying to understand the why and force things to go the way I wanted them to go, not completely trusting God and his purpose for putting this person on my heart. My devotional says it best:

“It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem, to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the Lord!” -Jesus Calling,Sarah Young

    My friends, I did this exact thing. I couldn’t figure out the why so I took control which led to the vicious cycle and the only way it stopped was when I put my focus back on the one that matters-Jesus. I’m at peace now, and I know I can trust the one who leads me by still waters. Until next time, remember : “The works of His hands are truth and justice; all His instructions are trustworthy.” (Psalm 111:7)