Grumpy

Grumpy, I could have easily been the Grumpy dwarf from Snow White a couple of weeks ago. I was GRUMPY. I woke up in a bad mood, I went about my day feeling very little excitement, and went to bed in a bad mood if not a worse mood than when I woke up. This cycle went on for a whole week. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I took a step back and started evaluating myself. What was different? What changed?

My friends, it was something so simple yet detrimental to my mental health. The first day, I just blew my mood off as just one of those days. The second day, I started realizing this bad mood wasn’t going away. The Christian music wasn’t helping. Spending time with my family wasn’t helping. Talking with friends wasn’t helping, although I didn’t share I was in a bad mood. There was one thing missing from my life. It was my quiet time with God. I started a 21 day prayer challenge in late January. I met the challenge and went well over the 21 days. Where did I go astray? I started to get busy with end of the school year events and t-ball and classes I was taking. I became overwhelmed and slowly stopped meeting God for my quiet time. I didn’t just stop cold turkey. I would miss a day and feel guilty and do it the next day. Then I missed two days and felt guilty so I picked it up and would start going again. Next thing I knew, I was out of paper that fit in my journal and I told myself I would buy some and start when that came in. I missed a week and didn’t order the paper but didn’t think anything of it. I missed two weeks straight of my quiet time with God. Let me say this, I prayed and I prayed throughout my day, but there is just something different about having quiet time with God.

I missed it. I missed my time with God. I felt out of sorts and couldn’t figure out why. Spending quiet time with God daily changed my heart and my perspective on things. Not only did I feel out of sorts, but I picked back up right where I left off. I started taking the reins back to my life. I was planning this and trying to figure that out. I let the worry take over. I let the what ifs and then whats consume my mind. This isn’t what God wants for us. He doesn’t want us caught up in the things of this world. He doesn’t want us to be so tied up that we drop him like a hot potato. He doesn’t want us to worry, or spin scenarios in our minds of conversations held or ones that will be held. He doesn’t want us to worry about if we are going to move and how or the details of the move.

What He wants is for us to trust Him. He wants us to find rest in Him. He wants us to turn our concerns over to Him. He wants control of every detail of your life. The smallest detail to the biggest detail, He wants them all. He wants you and me to completely trust him. He wants us to find peace in Him. “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27 Jesus gave the gift of peace to his disciples and He still gives that peace today. I realize now that I wasn’t at peace. When we take on the world without spending time with God we are bound to be confused and grumpy. My life gets busy and I get overwhelmed and anxiety kicks in. The only thing that takes all this away is the peace that Jesus gives me. I find this peace when I meet with my God, my savior, my friend daily. The coolest part is He takes the time to listen to my cry for help, my shouts of joy, and questions of what to do next. The God of the all, takes time to answer my prayers, and to give a peace that passes all understanding.

If there is one challenge that you take from my posts, I pray that it will be this one. Pray and read your Bible daily. God will meet you right where you are and lead you right where He wants you. Don’t just take my word for it…try it for yourself. Something so simple can have a huge impact on you, your life and those you love. Not sure where to start? Look up Becky Tirabassi or contact me. So, the next time you’re Grumpy do a self-check. Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)

And yes, I'm back to meeting God daily...my family is happy and so am I. :) 

Becoming Me

Growing up I couldn’t wait to be an adult. In my mind, all the grown-ups were able to do what they wanted, whenever they wanted. Oh, the innocence of childhood. You think once you’re grown you will know it all and stop “growing.” As I write this I smile at how silly that sounds. The truth is I haven’t stopped growing at least not spiritually.

I have this thirst, hunger, and desire to grow closer to God and become who He wants me to be. The hardest part is letting go of who I think or thought I was supposed to be. I’m growing and changing and sometimes it hurts. The “growing pains” don’t go away once we’re grown. As I mentioned earlier, to become who I was created to be I have to let go. (Frozen anybody?) I had to let go of my past and not let it define me anymore. I’m still working on this but I’m so much better than I use to be. The next part is recognizing my “issues” or weaknesses. I’ve started realizing them and often times cower or bow my head in shame, but I am starting to slowly accept that these issues are a part of me. Yes, even my weaknesses are from God. If I will let Him, he will use them for His glory. His strength can be found in my weaknesses. Even Paul talked about his weaknesses and this is what he says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 I’ve been writing on a surface level, but let’s dig a little deeper.

In order to grow, at some point we have to dig a little deeper, take a step back and evaluate ourselves. I’ve started doing this and I try my best to be “this is who I am” and/or “what you see is what you get” type person. I’m not perfect, never will be and I no longer put that type of pressure on myself. I do want to share a few of my weaknesses with you:

1.       I’m selfish

2.       I’m prideful

3.       I’m a planner…ok…control freak

4.       I don’t like crowds

5.       I don’t like speaking in front of others (especially my age or older)

These are sins or can lead to sin. I can choose to be selfish, prideful, take control, panic in crowds and freeze when speaking in front of others or I can choose to trust God. Through prayer and God working on my heart, my weaknesses are becoming stepping stones for me to become the me God wants me to be. Here are some ways God is working in my life:

    He has changed my heart from, what can I gain or benefit from someone to how I can serve them. I now ask God to show me how to pray/help those in my life. I am slowly realizing that God will use me in others’ lives the way he wants to use me, nothing more, and nothing less. I am also realizing that God wants me to lean on Him and trust Him with every detail of my life. I can’t be afraid to try new things but more importantly I can’t be afraid to fail. I don’t like speaking in front of others and yet God has called me to speak. I haven’t been asked to speak at many events (which I’m OK with) but I know God is preparing me.

I didn’t share this to brag but to show God will take our fears, doubts, failures, and weaknesses and use them for His glory. Change scares me and yet it’s the only way to keep growing. I’m so thankful that God is right beside me, constantly shaping me to become the me, He wants me to be. May God’s grace and mercy pour out on you. Will you embrace His will for your life? Until next time “May Yahweh bless you and protect you.” (Numbers 6:24, HCSB)